Breaking free from the Mould

Belonging is something that people always want, something that it seems, almost everyone craves for. Yet at times, I meet people who make me wonder what is it they want? Why do they do the things that they do?

In a place like Singapore, we are quick to fault others, we jump to the occasion at pointing out someone's elses bad points, their faults, their weaknesses. We do so in order to make ourselves feel better than them, in a futile attempt to conceal our own insecurities and doubts. Singaporeans, despite their many complaints, are happy to whine about something and yet, not work to do anything to change it. Why? For fear of the authorities, for fear of public backlash, for fear that their own family members may cease to support them. This country seems to be run almost by an unspoken fear and not by communal respect. Saying this however, I am sure, that fellow countryman do love and respect our people in power very much. If not, then how can they still be running the country (and our lives) up until today? They do not face threat from an opposition party, their vote counts still remain strong. This point veers off my topic for today, and it's back to the idea of "belonging" once more.

Belonging to me is about acceptance. Acceptance from your loved ones, from the society you belong to, and lastly, from yourself. A seemingly confidant person may actually be an insecure emotional wreck internally, using the facade of strength and power to give others the illusion that they are in control of their lives, thus making them admirable in some sense and even likeable. In actuality, their confidence could be based on skills they have acquired precisely to boost their own appeal to others.

I don't believe that not chasing your dreams is the way to go. But if wanting to become a doctor, a lawyer... (and the list goes on) is solely because of your yearning for earning great sums of money, then I feel you and your career are headed on a downward spiral. And ultimately, end up at a hard, brick wall. Let me not criticize the loud and the noisy, I personally don't feel anything is wrong with that. Being slightly deaf and having an unusually loud voice myself, I tend to get slightly loud. I do feel though, that those that adopt the mindset that the "confident" louder personalities tend to be more accepted are hugely mistaken. And, as I've learnt over this weekend, belonging is more about giving yourself up to someone else entirely. Without fear of rejection, you put your trust in this person, with full confidence that the person will accept you. Not an easy feat if at times you tend to be overbearing!

Sadly, I feel we lack an understanding of this thinking here in Singapore. We are taught from young to work hard and achieve the best, to be the first in everything we do. Regardless of the people that we hurt along the way. The reasoning behind this is that it doesn't matter what the consequence to OTHERS of our actions, but we WILL be accepted because we have established ourselves as people others want to emulate and learn from. Don't get me wrong, I respect people who have worked hard to achieve much. But I feel that one should only embark in such a journey because they want to be a provider for others, and not flaunt their cash on useless cars or excessive displays of wealth. Live life simply and full. How can you accept yourself if your behaviour is less than acceptable? And if you cannot accept yourself, then how can you expect others to accept you much less feel that you belong to them, and them to you?


I hope I do not sound preachy, I am not one to preach, but only share my thoughts. And I ask for you to reflect on life and its many occurances. Examine WHY they happen and not WHY ME. Drink from the cup fills half full and not half empty. Everyone has their pot at the end of the rainbow - A sense of belonging. This is one dream you can chase, and the journey is one only you can pave a path for.