Breaking free from the Mould

Belonging is something that people always want, something that it seems, almost everyone craves for. Yet at times, I meet people who make me wonder what is it they want? Why do they do the things that they do?

In a place like Singapore, we are quick to fault others, we jump to the occasion at pointing out someone's elses bad points, their faults, their weaknesses. We do so in order to make ourselves feel better than them, in a futile attempt to conceal our own insecurities and doubts. Singaporeans, despite their many complaints, are happy to whine about something and yet, not work to do anything to change it. Why? For fear of the authorities, for fear of public backlash, for fear that their own family members may cease to support them. This country seems to be run almost by an unspoken fear and not by communal respect. Saying this however, I am sure, that fellow countryman do love and respect our people in power very much. If not, then how can they still be running the country (and our lives) up until today? They do not face threat from an opposition party, their vote counts still remain strong. This point veers off my topic for today, and it's back to the idea of "belonging" once more.

Belonging to me is about acceptance. Acceptance from your loved ones, from the society you belong to, and lastly, from yourself. A seemingly confidant person may actually be an insecure emotional wreck internally, using the facade of strength and power to give others the illusion that they are in control of their lives, thus making them admirable in some sense and even likeable. In actuality, their confidence could be based on skills they have acquired precisely to boost their own appeal to others.

I don't believe that not chasing your dreams is the way to go. But if wanting to become a doctor, a lawyer... (and the list goes on) is solely because of your yearning for earning great sums of money, then I feel you and your career are headed on a downward spiral. And ultimately, end up at a hard, brick wall. Let me not criticize the loud and the noisy, I personally don't feel anything is wrong with that. Being slightly deaf and having an unusually loud voice myself, I tend to get slightly loud. I do feel though, that those that adopt the mindset that the "confident" louder personalities tend to be more accepted are hugely mistaken. And, as I've learnt over this weekend, belonging is more about giving yourself up to someone else entirely. Without fear of rejection, you put your trust in this person, with full confidence that the person will accept you. Not an easy feat if at times you tend to be overbearing!

Sadly, I feel we lack an understanding of this thinking here in Singapore. We are taught from young to work hard and achieve the best, to be the first in everything we do. Regardless of the people that we hurt along the way. The reasoning behind this is that it doesn't matter what the consequence to OTHERS of our actions, but we WILL be accepted because we have established ourselves as people others want to emulate and learn from. Don't get me wrong, I respect people who have worked hard to achieve much. But I feel that one should only embark in such a journey because they want to be a provider for others, and not flaunt their cash on useless cars or excessive displays of wealth. Live life simply and full. How can you accept yourself if your behaviour is less than acceptable? And if you cannot accept yourself, then how can you expect others to accept you much less feel that you belong to them, and them to you?


I hope I do not sound preachy, I am not one to preach, but only share my thoughts. And I ask for you to reflect on life and its many occurances. Examine WHY they happen and not WHY ME. Drink from the cup fills half full and not half empty. Everyone has their pot at the end of the rainbow - A sense of belonging. This is one dream you can chase, and the journey is one only you can pave a path for.

Ungraciously Singapore - Encouraging the devils to breed within our Nation

Living here - Why I get so put off.

Will somebody get them to shut up already?!?!?!?

Someone recently posted a blog touching on the topic of misbehaving parents in Singapore - this post linked to a letter in ST by a Mrs Tay, who was voicing a complaint about the rigid practices of a librarian in Singapore who refused her child entry to a story-telling session due to her age. There was a rather stupid comment (excuse my judgment, perhaps its a bad day, and his comment just irked me badly!) by an Anon. blogger who said the librarian should "lighten up" as these are KIDS we are dealing with, what's the big deal???

Jesus Christ.

What's the big deal about letting a pushy parent force entry for her child (aged 2 yrs and 4 mths) into a reading session meant for 5-6 yr olds or worse yet, sit IN for the reading session? I guess there isn't any big deal about opening a "floodgates" that may at the moment seem like a small issue, but fast forward a good 20 - 30 years, and I can guarantee that the kid will grow up to be yet another i) spoilt, ii) inconsiderate and iii) ill-mannered child. Oh big whoop. As if our country didn't have enough middle-aged (and mostly middle-class wannabe rich) inconsiderate louts pushing and shoving their way on the streets of Singapore! Yes, granted that the kid IS only barely hitting 3 yrs, but these are the most influential years of a toddlers life - they learn from their surroundings, and pick up vital life lessons in their childhood days. Whoever argues that childhood doesn't play a role in one's development is seriously short-sighted or hugely misinformed.

Ok, let's get things straight here. I'm not an angel myself, never have been, never will be. However, I believe basic courtesy, manners and consideration for people in OUR community are skills lacking in this so-called developed country. Come on Countrymen, are we that barbaric? Are we working so hard on building up wealth for ourselves that we've forgotten that only with a collective effort can a Nation live peacefully? It takes one rotten apple to turn a whole basket of fruits bad. Encouraging behavior such as that of Mrs Tay, and many other likeminded Kiasu Singaporean parents will only end up in more of such Types living here. Why do you think those that prefer the gracious world move overseas? It isn't usually the pull of money that drive citizens out of the country. It is the People.

Living Overseas - why I loved it so much more.

I had a good run of 6 years in Melbourne and during my stay there I experienced the Good, the Bad, the Ugly. And boy, is their ugly ever bad! However, their good seemed to overrun the bad. People don't give fierce stares if you bump into them at the supermarket aisle, they give a nod and say "you're alright". They greet each other in the lift with "G'day Mate". This may be diverging from the main stem of argument, but one incident chalked clearly in my memory is sitting in my apartment corridor with my dog and my neighbour and her dog. Her little cat (a stray she had rescued) had climbed into my unit over the balcony, and I had walked next door to pass it back. We both brought our doggies out to play and have a chat on the clean carpet. It didn't matter that we were of a different colour, or background. It didn't matter that we worked different jobs. It didn't matter that I actually hadn't known her name, until that day. :) What mattered was, that we were living side by side, and we both had little dogs of our own. Two male neighbours returned (TV presenters on a local news station) and they ended up standing there and having a little chat with us. Friendly words exchanged, it felt warm, cozy.. despite the cold winter breeze outside, and I felt so at home.

Colour of skin was never a real issue in Melbourne, Whites and Asians danced alongside each other at rave events. Interracial couples strolled hand in hand, as did same-sex couples, and no one seemed to blink an eye. Things that people here would stare at, or even mock, was seen as accepted there. People never judged. At least, not the ones that I had the chance to mix with. Though the cultural divide was quite great appearance wise - there were several Aussie friends who would comment on the texture of my skin, or how black my eyes were - we were all still Humans nonetheless. In a country where the One People Party once dominated, Australia has now opened up to immigrants, regardless of ethnicity. The Whites found us endearing and interesting, they enjoyed hearing our accents when we spoke in rapid English. They enjoyed hearing our descriptions of our various homelands. They enjoyed playing host to us, and they enjoyed us being there too.

As for standard of living, despite the article about a Sydney man dying alone, it didn't seem the case where I was living at. The elderly walked around looking pretty cheerful, hand in hand, holidaying in idyllic places. Or enjoying their morning cuppa at a quaint cafe. Cafe's that had tables free from "choping" with packets of tissue paper. Cafes where no service was charged for, but with waiters so engaged in your well-being that you simply had to tip 10% or more. You wouldn't get a parent wanting to "sit in" for a child's reading session and you definitely wouldn't get one writing in the national news quoting the Government as encouraging us to bring out kids for "reading activities". What pish-posh they'd say! And looking at how the public's (aussie) reacted to Corey Delany, the interviewer drew much flak than Corey by her insisting he take off his "famous" glasses and apologize nationally!

Conclusion

Well, Singaporeans don't look anywhere near to being a considerate nation which respects people, and Kiasu-ism is definitely NOT a dying trait. To me, I wish that the majority of locals who do nothing but rant and rave about how the government isn't doing enough would just SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Because seriously, have a glance in the mirror and take those damned tinted glasses off, this isn't Oz and there aren't any ruby slippers here to save the munchkins from the Evil witch.

Holding hands: Girls + Girls

Girl talk
*warning: this is not a travel piece*

I spent my Saturday watching multiple seasons of L-word at my gf's house and although many "real" lesbians say that the show is not representative of the female gay community, I must admit that the writers of the show have cleverly scripted in issues faced by many - gay or straight. Of course, in a country like this where media laws remain strict and rigid, the average Joe (or Ah Seng, which might be what we can label heartlanders, no offence) will never be exposed to such portrayals of women on screen. Granted, scenes in this TV drama may prove too racy for many, but shouldn't there even be a choice in what people can buy off the shelves in the DVD store? Are people simply sheep that have to be led in their direction of thought? Whatever happened to personal choice? What happened to free will?

I've never seen myself as an activist of any sort. I just have an opinion, and most of the time, I stick to it. Me being stubborn as a mule. I am also resistant to other's opinions - this a fault I am still learning to overcome. A wise person gave me a tip for life the other day, and that is to always retain my childlike curiosity, and the willingness to learn and discover. Funny how in this country, we are encouraged to push boundaries of thought. Funny how the schools always stress for us to "think outside the box".

But is radical thinking really accepted in Singapore? Sadly, the answer is no.

A short while following my return to Singapore from liberal Australia, I witnessed the controversy surrounding Section 377A of the Penal Code, and the heated debate on whether a repeal was needed. How the gay life was portrayed in the media was shocking and biased. One sided and sounding overly Christian, the articles chose to explore the "dark" realms of homosexuality, and when there were opinions that sought to open one's mind to consider another kind of life, it was usually reserved for the back pages, or a much shorter prose. It saddened me that even those I love very much remain closed to the idea of an alternative life. It saddened me that they used Religion (Christianity, in particular) as a basis of argument. In one episode of L-Word, a hetero White male criticized homosexuality and said if his kids admitted to being gay, he would be terribly distraught. In response, Bette (a key strong figure in the series) questions a world of people who criticize a life they do not know, not because they care about the happiness about their children, but because they feel this Life is something that disagrees with their own belief. This was a powerful moment, and I understood where she was coming from fully. Question: Is it wrong to pose judgement on another simply because their lifestyle makes you feel uncomfortable? Is it wrong to want your own peace of mind more than another's happiness?

We aren't talking about crimes like paedophilia, or fetishes such as beastiality or SM. We're talking about a consentual act committed between two people. They may argue that the homo's life revolves around a more "free" and "loose" sex life, but I can also argue that a hetero's life doesn't seem to be much better. Straight people are just as into pre-marital sex and many being Christians even.

Is this a case of the pot calling the kettle black?

And so, in Sunny Sing, the massive contradiction lies in the way the leaders are trying to lead its people. We've always strived to be the best, our Kiasuism means that we cannot lose, we must always win. But we've already lost the race. MM Lee recently said in an interview that it wouldn't be in HIS lifetime that he would see Singapore transform into a gracious society. And though I agree, I also think that there are fundamental problems with our society. Problems that prevent us from growing and developing into a country with first world thinking.

I'm not into politics, never have been, never will be. But I am into equality. And I do want to live in a world made for equals. Some may laugh at my naive thinking. Simplistic it is, and overly idealistic. I never said I wasn't a dreamer. I wish I could do more. I wish Singapore became an accepting community. And then it can grow. It will develop. This country will not only be number one in terms of the country's reserves, but also number one in human rights beliefs. We are separated and segregated. If we aren't distinguished by our race, we are defined by our meritocracy. Our sexual orientation also sets us apart from each other. And as if this last one isn't the most obvious - into the Elite, and simply, Everybody else.

I digress. The main focus of this post was inspired by the issues covered in the L-Word. Those with a credit card and an Amazon account should seriously consider picking up a copy. Highly attractive androgynous Shane oozes sex appeal from each pore on her body and makes the show an entertaining watch. Apart from covering really in depth topics relating to lesbians, the show gets a thumbs up from me for having women take the seat and be The Focus for the series. I'm not talking some Desparate Housewives or Sex in the City fluffy fun (don't get me wrong, i LOVE SATC) as the L-Word is a gritty movie full of swear words and romps aplenty. For those that wish to see even more issues faced by gay people, Will & Grace is a lighthearted sitcom set in where else but the city that never sleeps - New York. A hilarious cast that will not fail to entertain, WIll & Grace also touches on serious issues beneath all that gay time (ouch, excuse the pun!).

2007 has opened up many doors, and I was shocked to see such a sensitive topic broached in the mainstream newspapers. Although biased and unreflective of reality, any coverage is better than no coverage. I have faith, in our country and its people. And I hope that in time, we will learn to grow. To grow with each other, to learn tolerance and acceptance. And most importantly, for each and every person to fly free and live their Dream.

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Journeying On...

Cambodian Days and Nights

Chapter 1 Part 2

29th December, 2007: (PM) - Buzzing weirdly from our herb infested pizza, we called on Vutt and got him to bring us to the Tuol Sleng Genocide S-21 Museum (entry USD$3) to relive the horrific days of the Pol Pot Regime. Between 1975 and 1979, Cambodia was run by the Communist Khmer Rouge - with the claim of bringing democracy to Cambodia. The regime's most notorious prison was a transformed high school grounds. Classrooms once filled with learning students were stripped bare and made into chambers of pure torture.

Despite a good thirty years almost passing since the the regime ended, the air still reeked of the pain and suffering and V and I could vividly picture the brutality that went on during the regime. Rooms filled with hundreds of black and white stills of prisoners before they were executed left us with a bitter taste in our mouths, and in a sombre mood. There was nothing to smile about in this place, and all we could do was to offer up our prayers for the souls of the departed, and pray dearly that such carnage never take place again. With the recent Myanmar situation, it's hard to say whether the world is moving forwards of backwards in terms of ataining human rights for everyone and one can only hope that in time, leaders of the world learn to be more responsible in their decision making and stand up for what is fair and just.

The Killing Fields was also another historical visit during our trip and walking the execution grounds put a massive stop in any cheeriness we had before. Notable sights were the tree that the Khmer Rouge used to hang a loudspeaker that muffled the moaning of the brutally murdered as they died. Another tree was used for the battering of children and women. I was sick to the core when I read that the regime was not only cruel, but also cheap - to save on ammunition, beating the prisoners to their death was the form of killling, this being the most inhuman form of murder in my opinion.

Warning!!! Beggars in this unrestricted area are rampant, and while
we felt
sorry for them, we had read multiple warnings in guidebooks NOT to
give anything
to beggars, no matter how pitiful. These child beggars walking
around the fence
aimlessly saddened me. Their hairs were stringy, their feet
bare, their clothes
so weathered and torn. "One dollar please, hello,
please, please, please. One
dollar!" they chorused from the other side of
the fence.

Not being overly enthusiastic about sampling their local fare, I simply couldn't resist trying a local fave - homemade ice-cream in a fresh coconut (I'll input the local name here if i remember!) There are two excellent ice cream shops that make it, and we got our hit of sticky sweet Cambodian ice cream from Mittaheap Ice Cream In Coconut.

Dinner and drinks at Riverhouse Restaurant: We chanced upon Phnom Penh's most established 8 year old fine dining restaurant while strolling along Sisowath Quay. Smartly clad in neat uniforms, English-speaking waiters greeted us and presented us with English menus dishing up French and Khmer fare. For our entre, we decided on Escargots cooked in Onion Garlic Tomato relish and deep fried Cambodian spring rolls. The escargots came piping hot, and so flavourful, 6 didn't seem enough to split between us two. The spring rolls, also piping hot, were pretty similar to the Thai ones, except they were filled with minced meat, and very tasty i might add!

V ordered a Fusilli Carbonara (yes! pasta, again!) and I had Thai Red Curry. Interestingly, the Carbonara came with a raw egg on the top - just like how some fine cuisine cooking shows say Carbonara should be - with the egg added last, and not cooked over heat at all. The dessert was the main highlight of the meal - Chocolate fondant with a scoop of refreshing coconut ice cream. Crisp and light without an inkling of heaviness, the pastry was the best I've ever tasted, and the warm dark chocolate fondant oozing out was heaven for the tastebuds. Chocalate addicts alert - warm melted dark chocolate + coconut ice-cream = Bliss.

Happy hour at Riverhouse ran from 5 - 8pm, with beers (USD$3) and cocktails (USD$4 - 4.50) going at one-for-one. We chose the new bestseller and house concoction River Fresh - a nice tango of zingy fruit flavours with a mean alcohol punch. Catching a tuk-tuk back cost us about USD$2, and we ended up with nicely windswept hair and a perfect 'tak-glam' photo op.

This marked the END of DAY #1 of our stay in Phnom Penh. A tiring, but yet interesting day filled with sights, sounds and people that we'd never come across in our day to day living.

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A Journey to the Third World

Cambodian Days and Nights
Chapter 1, Part 1

27th December, 2007: The Night Before: A busy evening for us both. I had a lot of packing to do, and we both had supplies to stock up on for our trip. An exotic free-and-easy trip to the Wild West of Asia (or so the many travel books said) - Cambodia. Mustafa's was the initial choice destination for the evening, but since we remembered that Pat's Oven (some nut place) at Vivocity sold the tastiest garlic onion broad beans, we headed there instead. Walking hand in hand, V and myself strolled the shops, sipped some Coffeebean and munched on some warm broadbeans. Lovely evening with cool weather and the one person you love walking right by your side. Simply perfect. Tired out with a night of walking, I headed back for a lot of excited tossing and turning in my bed.

Singapore: 28th December, 2007: Blast Off: Time to fly off! After a tedious passing of hours until we both met up at Terminal One of Changi airport (flew Jetstar - they charge extra $1 for Heineken!), we cheked in our luggage's and headed to buy some Dufry (say it out loud, DufrEE? or Du-FRY? *hehe*) for me and then onto Harry's for two Lattes and a quick puff. 7:20pm - Almost time for our flight, us two clowns rushed to Gate 47 (end of terminal, btw!) only to be told by security there that the flight was delayed by 1hour and 45mins. I think it's something to do with Jetstar and me but my Syd-Mel flight in 2006 had similar flight delay issues. Totally Anti-Climax to the Max! Finally got on board the flight and ordered our drinks. Flight was so-so, nothing to scream about, but V made friends with a Singaporean (forgot his name) who was on his 22nd "personal" trip there. Note: This dude must have a VERY special friend, he bought a L'oreal lipstick set for XXX (not sure if friend is male/ female!)


Phnom Penh: 28th December 2007: We arrive in Phnom Penh, Cambodia's capital in one sleepy piece. We've arranged through our hotel for a driver, Vutt, who stands eagerly holding our name in the crowd. Amongst the mostly skinny crew of commissioned drivers, taxi touts and beggars thronged at the fringe of the airport, Vutt's beefy build and stern eyebrows (pretty dark, mighty bushy!) set him apart. [I'll go more into detail about Vutt later.]

Carpark of hell: Vutt walked stoutly in front of us towards the 1980-something dusty white Camry waiting in the carpark. Two beggars - both underweight, one a faded ghost of a man and the other, a scrawny teen - followed us to the car. Averse to such attention from strangers, V and I were both hesitant as we had read warnings in our guidebooks against angering these people. Saying "No" to the teen helped and he sauntered off, realising we weren't showing him attention. Suddenly, the older man reached in between V and I without warning. We both screamed, and jumped 10 feet apart and away. "What the hell?" read the looks of shocks
reflected in both our eyes. The beggar looked surprise, and gently he bowed as he opened the cardoor for us. So he wanted a tip, for doing us a favour! How silly we were! And how so very typically Singaporean. Talk about being Kiasi within 5 mins of touchdown. *phew*

Phnom Penh Hotel: That initial 20 mins drive to our hotel was an eye-opener for the both of us. Granted it was pretty dark outside, but the looming silhouettes of dilapidated buildings proved depressing nonetheless. With scarce a soul on the streets, the roads were dusty and dimly lit, void of any nightlife. A vast difference to the clean, green streets of Singapore. We both were silenced as we witnessed the scene outside the car - nothing the tourbooks could EVER have prepared us for. This truly reeked poverty. Vutt soon pulled up at a swanky 5 storey hotel, the words PP marking the name of the building. We had chosen a 4-star dwelling, nothing overly extravagant, but we weren't exactly prepared to really rough it out either. Raffles Le Royal looked like the Buckingham Palace in comparison, and V and I plan to save up for our next trip there. Mozzies flitted around in the night light, and despite the air-conditioning (which seemed to be running on a low fan belt to stinge on electricity), the bugs zipped about our legs. Itchy, I thought, oh woe be my lovely legs. A hot shower, a couple drinks at the Zenith Bar and it was time to be nicely tucked into bed. Sleep had finally beckoned us two weary travellers! Note to add: We had our first sip of Cambodian Angkor draft beer, and at USD$2.50/ glass in a hotel lounge, V and I both agreed that "we likey, likey!"

Phnom Penh, 29th December 2007: An early rise to the first day of our trip - a Continental buffet breakfast in the hotel's Palm Cafe awaited us two hungry punters. Our driver, Vutt, picked us up at 9am to head to the capital's two tourist treasures - the Royal Palace (USD$2) and the Silver Pagoda (USD$3). A national architectural gem, the Royal Palace is the current residence of the King of Cambodia and the royal family, however, a sighting of any royalty was pretty much in our imagination, sad to say! There was a strange, rather haunted-looking building on the grounds though, said to have been built during the days of European colonialism, and residences for the Europeans. The Silver Pagoda, or the Temple of the Emerald Buddha, is very much a crowd favourite because of the tiles in main hall - each of the 5000 tiles made from pure silver. Unfortunately, the splendid gleam of silver was shrouded by the heavy carpet lying on top of these tiles, and many ended up not noticing the detail on each tile. Giving the National Museum a miss, V and I decided to head down to the Sisowath Quay for lunch.


Happy Herbs Pizza, 29th December 2007: Reading an online recommendation for the adventurous that the "Happy Herbs Pizza" dished up pizza sprinkled with genuine "herbs" to make you "happy", V and I decided to visit the ORIGINAL Happy Herbs Pizza to see what the hype was all about. Ordering ourselves a small "Happy Herbs Chef Pizza", a Fish and Chips and a Large bottle of Angkor (local Cambodian) beer, we settled in to flip through our guidebooks and wonder just what "happy" pizza meant. The pizza came on a flat wooden base, with an egg broken in the centre. It didn't look too fancy, or happy in any case. Tastewise, it was a yummy mix of onion rings, egg (a bit of an eggshell) and lots of mozzarella cheese. The tender and fresh white fish was coated in a biscuit/ oat batter, and deep fried to a golden crisp. It's accompaniment was a generous serve of home-cut chips, done slightly with too much oil for my liking! Coupled with the local bubbly though, the "Happy" in the pizza started taking its effect, and us pair felt a tad lightheaded when we stepped out of the cafe. A little unsure about whether we were 'feeling' anything or if it were just a case of the power of suggestion, V and I decided to wait before making a judgment call on this one!

Part 2 of Chapter is coming right up.... Stay tuned for when this author (or her dear travel buddy *hint-hint*) gets the chance to pen down the next bit!