disengaged - the Singaporean way of life

Disengaged.

That's how Singaporeans can be best described. No offence to people born and bred in the country (seeing that I'm one too) but honestly, at times, we seem to entrapped in our own little bubble of thoughts that we scarce can see through the thin film surrounding us.

We're oblivious:-

- to old people on the train, to pregnant mothers, to an injured sportsman who's walking on crutches

- to the people who don't seem as LOUD as the cool bunch

- to the car in the next lane

- and the list can go on, but let me just stop here.

Why this occurrence? Not really sure. I'm not a planner from the government, I'm just an observer. I'm a Singaporean too, and being back in Singapore for just over two years has opened my eyes up to so many things that I never saw about the country before. Unfortunately, disengaged Singaporeans stick out like a sore thumb. It's almost as if they were created ala-Matrix style - hanging on a pod, in a gloomy depressing place, and we were brought up to work towards creating an efficient paradise. A tiny island in the sea, surrounded by vastlands of the other neighbouring countries in this region. Robots, almost, yet with a deep sense of emotional attachments to all things material. We work towards achieving our goals - a bigger bag, a car, a house renovation. We strive to achieve NOT personal aims but to prove ourselves to people. To make a mark in this world.

I shiver at the thought sometimes. Is it really necessary for such cut-throat competitiveness? Do we honestly need to shy away from having a personality? From being a true person?

I'm sure many may disagree with me. May say that I'm blinded by God-Knows-What and have formed some delusional impression of this place I should be calling my home. But at the end of the day, disengaged souls form the "people" who are here. And I am forced to ask myself, do I want to be a part of this massive project?

Memoirs by my Master's best friend.

It's funny watching how my owner cries. Almost as if she can feel my presence next to her. I am by her side. I promised her silently the day she brought me home that I'd never leave her side and I'm going to stick to my words. Keeping my promise hasn't ben easy. No. Not while I'm like this. Invisible to the eye. A mere spirit. Without so much as a breath in this world.

She senses me though, remembers how I looked at her with those big,soulful eyes, always pleading for a cuddle. I think she misses me now. And I miss her. I miss being alive.

It was a cold night when my Master found me. I prefer to call her Mom. She was,is, the only mother i've ever known. And she was the best. That very night when she took me home was also my first month into the world. She now tells people that the second last day of March is my birthday. I'm not one to argue with her. 30 March 2003 was indeed a day etched in both our memories. It was the day that we found each other. And also the day my whole life changed.

Val the data analyst!!!!

ISTJ - "Trustee". Decisiveness in practical affairs. Guardian of time- honored institutions. Dependable. 11.6% of total population. ISTJ responsible, planner, private, loner tendencies, perfectionist, organized, detail oriented, organized, would rather be friendless than jobless, realistic, observer, clean, focused, does not talk about feelings, finisher, punctual, private, does not appreciate strangeness, not adventurous, not spontaneous, follows the rules, dutiful, avoids mistakes, conventional, likes solitude, insensitive to the hardships of others, prepared, anti-tattoos, things rules are important, cautious, security seeking, prepares for worst case scenarios, logical, analytical, does not accept apologies easily, hard working favored careers: data analyst, scientist, researcher, engineer, financial planner, statistician, office worker, government employee, lab technician, nuclear engineer, office manager, biomedical engineer, account manager, ceo, investment banker, analyst, academic, systems analyst, pharmacy technician, network admin, genetics researcher, research assistant, strategist disfavored careers: entertainer, artist, filmmaker, musician, actor, fashion desinger, singer, music journalist, comedian, massage therapist, photographer, dj, model, author, bartender, painter, school counselor

My true passion is to be a Journalist (or so says Jung)

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

ENFP 

outgoing, social, disorganized, easily talked into doing silly things, spontaneous, wild and crazy, acts without thinking, good at getting people to have fun, pleasure seeking, irresponsible, physically affectionate, risk taker, thrill seeker, likely to have or want a tattoo, adventurous, unprepared, attention seeking, hyperactive, irrational, loves crowds, rule breaker, prone to losing things, seductive, easily distracted, open, revealing, comfortable in unfamiliar situations, attracted to strange things, non punctual, likes to stand out, likes to try new things, fun seeker, unconventional, energetic, impulsive, empathetic, dangerous, loving, attachment prone, prone to fantasy

favored careers:
performer, actor, entertainer, songwriter, musician, filmmaker, comedian, radio broadcaster/dj, some job related to theater/drama, poet, music journalist, work in fashion industry, singer, movie producer, playwright, bartender, comic book author, work in television, dancer, artist, record store owner, model, freelance artist, teacher (art, drama, music), writer, painter, massage therapist, costume designer, choreographer, make up artist

disfavored careers:
data analyst, scientist, researcher, financial advisor, business analyst, govt employee, office manager, mathematician, investment banker, office worker, computer tech, it professional, network engineer, strategist

The List that Matters.

It's been some time since I last blogged. No particular reason except that perhaps my mind has been so filled with various commitments and responsibilities that the seemingly simple act of penning down mindless rants and chatter on an online post became an almost alien act to me.

Yes, that's right. Blogging an alien act to me. 

Me, the person who once settled down nicely with a cigarette, a cold beer and some chill out tunes to write whatever I had on my mind to blast out my fucked up thinking onto a digital space. 

What in God's name happened to that person?

That person grew up. Or at least, the person writing this now sure thinks that she did. It's been awhile since I didn't have a care in the world. At the moment, life seems almost too real, too solid and too "smack me hard in the face bitch, and you still won't wake up" to be a dream. I suppose that once, I was this young naive thing who had big plans to be a famous writer one day where life could revolve around my lush green garden by the lake, an easel and the metallic scents of oil pastels wafting in the air. Oh wait - then again, that could've been a scene out a movie that I really liked and just can't remember the name of. I am still hopeful though, that the dream does become a reality. Somehow, that plan came crashing down when I realised that I live in a concrete jungle surrounded by two large construction zones (one, btw, is an unsightly bunch of cluster living homes that I have no idea why the authorities approved its being built because it looks like an eyesore in the cosy Siglap neighbourhood). But, well, I'll bitch about that another day.

Memory, though, is another skill that I seem to have lost touch with lately. Short term, long term. I know I fall into the category of those who can recall moments of yesteryear (God, how I hate having to use terms like yesteryear on myself) and soon before I know it, I'll be a toothless 60-year still coming to terms with reality pounding hard at my keyboards. 

But then again, let's not fast forward too quickly into the future while we still have much present to live through.

So, that last point brings me back to the MAIN point of this post. Which was, strangely enough, inspired almost by a movie that I watched today: "Battle of Seattle". It was a movie about the civil unrest that occurred during the 1999 WTO protests that took place in Seattle (this post ain't a review, so check it out yourself at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_in_Seattle). 

Anyway, long story shot, I found myself transported somehow into a scene in my recent past. I was sitting aboard a tram along the end of Swanston, near the City Baths, and the tram conductor announced a slight delay due to the war protests on the streets. I looked out. There they were. Everywhere and all over at once. I remember that it was a scene of peace and democracy - people marching for what they believed in, and all driven with the same belief that they, as an individual and collectively as a group, could make that tiny bit of difference. It seemed far stretched, but at that time, I was impressed. I lived in Singapore a long time. Men with helmets on horses and loud white and black POLICE vests were foreign to me. Where I'm from, such acts of unrest would be frowned upon and strongly discouraged. But here, the people on the streets didn't look at them with disdain. Instead, there was a sense of mutual understanding: You do what you have to do, just don't break any laws, and we'll let you make your statement. 

For that, I understood and I respected what they had to say. Their silent message of freedom without the use of force. Without the threat of power or authority. Amazing. I was utterly astounded at the freedom these people are given. And that was when I knew (and I was reminded of this again today) that one day I would have to make a difference - be it big or small, I knew that I had it in me somewhere to do it.

That was back in 2003, or 2004. Somewhere along the lines where the media trashed John Howard and George Bush for the Iraq War. 

Now, the global scene is different. But my dreams, they're still the same. And so, I thought to myself tonight, while I'm at it with the sudden small burst of inspiration, it's time to pen down MY own list. Things I want to do, things I have to do, things I aim to do. And all before my short, little life comes to a resounding finish. I have written down a task list that I will promise myself to do, and it is here for everyone and no one to see. :) Here it goes...

My Before I Go List

1. Learn how to whistle properly

2. Sky dive

3. Adopt a child (or contribute significantly to a child's growth and welfare)

4. Go on a mission trip

5. Drive a manual car

6. Drive a manual car without stalling for at least an hour (ha-ha)

7. Sew my first dress

8. Be part of an activist group (not sure if this will EVER be possible but.. hey, it's only 2009)

9. Teach

10. Donate blood again

11. Run for 30 kms

12. Have all the people I love gathered before me

Finally, to end off, if there was anyone who is reading this and who happens to be in touch with any humanitarian organisation that wants/ needs volunteers, I'd love to get in touch and find out if there was anything that I could do. I guess I've reached a point in my life where I feel the need to give back. :) Until the next time I get into a writing frenzy. -adios

Got Milk? All You Need is Love.

It has been awhile since my last post. Not that I've been that busy over the glorious festive period. No, definitely not. I've been decidedly lazy to write. 

Oh Yes, and a lack of a topic to interest me to sit at one spot in the comfort of my home and pound away at my well utilised keypad. 

It changed tonight. I watched Milk. And it literally blew me away. From the excellent cinematography and use of old 1970s footage, to the sharp, intelligent wit, Milk surpassed all expectations I had before stepping into the cinema. Director Gus Van Sant effectively utilised all airtime, never wasting even one second or one frame. Each moment captured on screen had a message to convey, an emotion to encapsulate, a door to open. But even the most talented of directors wouldn't have a movie worth blogging about if they didn't have a passionate actor like Sean Penn. His performance was truly amazing and an inspiration. 

Favourite part of the movie for me? [warning: spoiler ahead] Milk, lonely after watching his first and strangely enough last opera, was on the phone with his ex-lover, Scott. Sitting in the shadows, the phone cradled on his ear, his eyes half hidden by the non-committal light streaming in from the windows, he exhibited a series of emotions without so much as uttering a word nor moving an inch. He slides from sadness, to longing, to a hopeless realisation that his life has slipped so quickly by. This moment, though short and void of words or smart lines, held so much power to me. My interpretation of the situation is that despite success and despite gaining respect, love ultimately conquers all. No matter what he was going through at that moment, Milk loved Scott. They weren't together anymore, but they were still in love. Never mind the distance between them, never mind the past hurt and pain, never mind that many years had passed since they were together.

Love, my friends, is something that no one can take away from you and even if you are left with nothing, it will be all that you will still own.

There are many lessons to learn from Milk and while some may scorn at my sudden enthusiasm at this topic, I'm simply glad to have been reminded of the people who I love in my life. Loving them is all I have and in my brightest days and my darkest nights, they will be there for me. Through my hardships, my failures, my successes and my glory. Loving strangers on the other hand, is a greater task that demands more of oneself. I don't mean you have to become best friends with every other person on the street, but kindness in a rocky time like the present, is the simplest form of showing love. 

Some ways to introduce LOVE into YOUR life:

1. Keep the change: Taken a cab and the fare comes up to $14.50? Rather than sit there and wait for the 50c back, how about letting the cabbie keep the change instead? Over time, small sums like that can grow and his family may actually be able to eat a full meal together. Ask yourself - do I really need it more than him? (well, to be frank, if you could even THINK about flagging a cab down when you're perfectly able to take a train/ bus then, really, why the 2nd thoughts?)

2. Trays back: The NEA has started a new campaign but we don't really need people from the government telling us that it would be an act of love and consideration to clear our trays after eating. Especially in a country like Singapore where hawker joints are always swarming with hungry people. It should really be an obvious thing. So the old lady is 'paid' to clear tables and wipe up your mess, but imagine your grandma in her place. Still want that old lady to pick up after you?

3. Spend quality time with family: Work, School, Friends, Church, everyone but the people who you were born into. Your Family. Make an effort to keep aside ONE day a week for them. It won't take up a lot of energy, cook a meal together, go for a walk in the park, watch DVDs - whatever suits your clan is fine because remember, one day, you won't GET the chance to show them you love them.

-end-