i am the happiest.

i was the happiest when i didn't have to worry about what tomorrow would bring
i was the happiest when my dreams never ended and waking up wasn't a chore
i was the happiest when i could walk down the road and find a friend to listen
i was the happiest when trust was a reality and not some hidden desire
i was the happiest when i was free of the bonds of life
i was the happiest when things seemed in order
when life weren't so twisted
when situations weren't so warped

chancing across images of people from the past
friends who were couples, couples who are no longer friends
saddens me, shocks me, silences me
time has ravaged our innocence
replaced our human instincts with survival skills
every man every woman every child or creature for themselves
the sense of community vanished
loyalty but a twinkling of our past

lost contacts, broken dreams, shattered hearts
memories once held so close and dear now lost in the web of Cyberspace
we're connected by this thin thread that was once a common past
whether we remember or if we can bother to recall
amidst our busy days and nights
one cannot speak for the other and only for themselves
burning secret thoughts within plague each person
do you believe in honesty?
do you believe in people anymore?

and yet i still believe in the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow
i believe in miracles, in tomorrows, in dreams, in hopes
i believe in the magic of stardust
and the mysteries of moonbeams
i believe in tomorrow, say you'll believe in it too

Appreciating life.

It's easy to take things for granted. To take people for granted too. More often than not, we treat those who are worth keeping like dirt, while holding high those that will drop us like a hot stone in times of trouble. Do we stop, desist, halt and falter with our badly made decision? Alas, many times we do not even realize who are the people we are not treasuring enough, and time and again, we disappoint them.

Soon, it's going to be the middle of May. And just like that, I'm way into my 2nd month of being a mid-20 year old. It's such a weird feeling, something that I am still finding hard to believe despite time seeping through my fingers so easily. In these five short months, too many things have happened. Shocks, surprises - call them what you may, they were nonetheless unforeseen circumstances. Deaths, departures, you name them, I've lived them, as have many around me it seems, in this bizarre first half of 2008. Sometimes you live many months and years with scarce a "drama" occurring, and yet, it seems as though life is put on the fast forward, and everything and anything that can happen does, and your world just seems to go topsy-turvy, front and back, and you feel like Alice in Wonderland on some strange psychedelic chemical-induced state and then suddenly... suddenly, you stop.

Everything goes on a mighty.... long.... pause. And you take some time to simply step away. Time stands still and nothing moves. (Or so it seems). The earth ceases to rotate, the sun and day fuse together and you hurry along eagerly. And yet, nothing happens. This is called the Lull Period. The saying is true - and after the storm comes the calm. And the calm evades and it spreads. It spreads over you, over those around you. It spreads into your life, everything. Life, doesn't seem the burden it was. In fact, you can barely remember just how life was when things seemed a little too much. For now, you are in the position you can stand tall and look back over your shoulder and give that smirk you've been dying to give.

The storm has blown over. It's time to rebuild the foundations. Stronger and sturdier this time, so that when another deadly gust blows through, the foundation cannot be shattered. And the next time, you will be stronger. I will be stronger. In one single year (less, actually) of moving continents, I've learned so much. About myself, about presenting myself, about being real, about artificiality. I've learned to speak less and listen more. I've learned to listen to what I am about to say before I say it. I still have brash moments, sometimes I can't catch myself before causing irreversible hurts. But I am learning. And I am moving forward. We all are, we all grow. Towards a brighter future. Towards appreciating life and the true meaning of what it is to live.