i am the happiest.

i was the happiest when i didn't have to worry about what tomorrow would bring
i was the happiest when my dreams never ended and waking up wasn't a chore
i was the happiest when i could walk down the road and find a friend to listen
i was the happiest when trust was a reality and not some hidden desire
i was the happiest when i was free of the bonds of life
i was the happiest when things seemed in order
when life weren't so twisted
when situations weren't so warped

chancing across images of people from the past
friends who were couples, couples who are no longer friends
saddens me, shocks me, silences me
time has ravaged our innocence
replaced our human instincts with survival skills
every man every woman every child or creature for themselves
the sense of community vanished
loyalty but a twinkling of our past

lost contacts, broken dreams, shattered hearts
memories once held so close and dear now lost in the web of Cyberspace
we're connected by this thin thread that was once a common past
whether we remember or if we can bother to recall
amidst our busy days and nights
one cannot speak for the other and only for themselves
burning secret thoughts within plague each person
do you believe in honesty?
do you believe in people anymore?

and yet i still believe in the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow
i believe in miracles, in tomorrows, in dreams, in hopes
i believe in the magic of stardust
and the mysteries of moonbeams
i believe in tomorrow, say you'll believe in it too

Appreciating life.

It's easy to take things for granted. To take people for granted too. More often than not, we treat those who are worth keeping like dirt, while holding high those that will drop us like a hot stone in times of trouble. Do we stop, desist, halt and falter with our badly made decision? Alas, many times we do not even realize who are the people we are not treasuring enough, and time and again, we disappoint them.

Soon, it's going to be the middle of May. And just like that, I'm way into my 2nd month of being a mid-20 year old. It's such a weird feeling, something that I am still finding hard to believe despite time seeping through my fingers so easily. In these five short months, too many things have happened. Shocks, surprises - call them what you may, they were nonetheless unforeseen circumstances. Deaths, departures, you name them, I've lived them, as have many around me it seems, in this bizarre first half of 2008. Sometimes you live many months and years with scarce a "drama" occurring, and yet, it seems as though life is put on the fast forward, and everything and anything that can happen does, and your world just seems to go topsy-turvy, front and back, and you feel like Alice in Wonderland on some strange psychedelic chemical-induced state and then suddenly... suddenly, you stop.

Everything goes on a mighty.... long.... pause. And you take some time to simply step away. Time stands still and nothing moves. (Or so it seems). The earth ceases to rotate, the sun and day fuse together and you hurry along eagerly. And yet, nothing happens. This is called the Lull Period. The saying is true - and after the storm comes the calm. And the calm evades and it spreads. It spreads over you, over those around you. It spreads into your life, everything. Life, doesn't seem the burden it was. In fact, you can barely remember just how life was when things seemed a little too much. For now, you are in the position you can stand tall and look back over your shoulder and give that smirk you've been dying to give.

The storm has blown over. It's time to rebuild the foundations. Stronger and sturdier this time, so that when another deadly gust blows through, the foundation cannot be shattered. And the next time, you will be stronger. I will be stronger. In one single year (less, actually) of moving continents, I've learned so much. About myself, about presenting myself, about being real, about artificiality. I've learned to speak less and listen more. I've learned to listen to what I am about to say before I say it. I still have brash moments, sometimes I can't catch myself before causing irreversible hurts. But I am learning. And I am moving forward. We all are, we all grow. Towards a brighter future. Towards appreciating life and the true meaning of what it is to live.

get out, and stay out

will you get off your moral high horse already? stop trying to get everyone to see things your way.
no point quoting books, or making references. what you read, isn't always what you get. reality is a strange thing, and so is religion. we're all entitled to our own beliefs. you telling me if i don't follow the bible i get condemned? u telling me i have to believe in this because i'm baptized? i don't disagree in believing in something. i don't believe we should compromise our beliefs. but c'mon, u don't want others to impose things on you right? then why stoop so low as to judge?

i'm sick of the insults, of the hurts you've caused. i'm tired of it all. just get out. just stay out.

sad to say, it's really come down to this. but it has. i'm tired tired tired.

just stay . away.

The sweetest things in life are free . (Thank you, baba)

Priceless.

The world is a strange place today. People put value on everything, on friendships, on relationships, and despite so many saying that "money isn't anything", truth be told that wealth does act as a key access to many areas in life. Sad but true. However, cliche as this may sound, there is one thing that money can't buy. Something that is intangible, something that is truly priceless. The everlasting sweet memory of the simplest deed done for you, and only you, at practically no cost at all. Except for another person's time, sweat and effort.

And that, my friends, is worth more than all the millions in the world.

Why my sudden lashing out at materialism? This year marks (or marked, rather) my turning a Quarter of a Century. Ok, so those of you out there above this 25-year mark may think I'm simply blowing this whole aging process a tad out of proportion, but I beg to differ. For me, I've said this too many times before and I'll say it again - I'm a gust of wind. A seasonal breeze that may blow hot or cold, depending entirely on my mood and given situation. Anyway, this year I turn 25, and it's the second year I'm spending it with my sweet V.T. And what a celebration it was. Not only was this my Q.C, but it was also our 1st Year Anniversary. One whole long year together, and it's been a marvellous one year, with so many beautiful memories etched into my memory for this lifetime and next.


We celebrated my birthday on the 5th April (on a Saturday this year, how convenient) by meeting in the evening for a splendid dinner at Keyaki Restaurant at Pan Pacific. Loving my Japanese with a pet weakness for yakitori skewers, I ordered up a storm and was pleasantly surprised when this place actually had the ox tongue I've been so desperately craving.

We finished up in time to head over to the Singapore Flyer to get a bird's eye view of Singapore and despite much criticisms about the Flyer, I must say I enjoyed myself. Thoroughly. Amidst the hustle and bustle of speeding cars and bright lights, we stood, 165m elevated above ground level and time stood still. Everything went on a pause, and nothing seem to be bothering me at that point. She continued to maintain a level of secrecy about this enormous paper bag she was carried and adamantly refused to let me peek in to see the contents hiding within. We went to this quirky teahouse in Chinatown (by chance I might add) called Global Sounds and had some pots of tea while waiting for the clock to strike 12.

Midnight fell upon us, and she asked me to close my eyes which I promptly did. When I opened them, there was a sight that I'll never forget, and my silly eyes welled up with heavy tears of emotion. See below picture as words cannot describe the happiness I felt that night.


This was my night and it was dedicated to me. Thank you baba, for the magical spell you've woven me this one year and for continuing to light up each day with the mere thought of you.

Aloha from Andaman Coffee Co.

It's Liz here, am sitting in Andaman Coffee Co. at Karon Beach and it's the end of our third day here. Val's bought 2 drinks for us - Andaman Freeze and an Ice Latte, so I get to use the Net for a bit. But for like 15 mins, and this (Phuket) still being a pretty developing place, the ADSL is a tad slow.

But no matter, this isn't a serious post. It's quite unreal to actually be sitting here and typing a blog post. :) We had a great dinner too. At Vittaporn "Authentic" Thai Restaurant along Karon Beach. I quite like Karon beach, the crowd's a lot more tame and decent as compared to the rowdy scene in Patong. Of cos heavy party animals may not like the breathe-easy laidback feel over here, but hey, I needed to get away from bloody Singapore so badly cos of it's fussy crowds, so I'm definitely not one to complain.

Anyway, I think the drinks are done, and someone's sitting idly behind me browsing some Phuket Exclusive life magazine. Hah! Like WE"VE got the moolah to do a bit of spending here. Although I have to say I am a beach girl, and I mean, somehow, I'd choose a resort over a skyscraper city anyhow! Give me pina colada's and a bottle of carrot infused tanning oil that reeks of coconut. Give me tanned bodies on a beach of soft white sand. Give me BBQ seafood and freshly sliced sashimi with an ice cold beer. I'm a beach girl, though my recent pale skinned has made me seem otherwise.

I'm absolutely loving Phuket despite multiple criticisms saying that it's become commercialized. Perhaps Patong is, what with Singapore owned Jungceylon and Mac's, Burger King, Starbucks (Ok, fine, so Karon also has like one Starbucks, except we chose Andaman Coffee Co instead!) but I love the beach we've chosen. Also, being the only Asians in our resort kind of makes us feel really special.

Signing off for now. Perhaps I'll convince Miss Grumpy to come here for coffee in the morning and I get to post another entry. :) I love this place. :) Ciaos!

Lost in time (Leave me there, reality bites hard and fast)

Can it really be past the middle of March already? Am i almost going to turn the big 2-5? Almost impossible it seems, but yet, it is real. Aging has become a part of my life that I can't believe has set in. I had this thought, that you know you're old when you say "Oh i just sat for my O Levels awhile back" but then you realise, that your younger sister is actually done with HER O Levels, and just bought a spanking new lappie for Poly. Wow. Time flies huh?

And as all old fogies do when they realise that the precious sands of time are beginning to slip through their fingers at an irreversibly quick speed, I too, have begun to do much reminiscing. With so much of my time spent at work, I find that each moment has become all the more special and to be cherished. I no longer am able to take my three hour naps as often as I wish, or watch some random MTV, I no longer can go for the many coffees, have the many glasses of wine. Movies aren't a regular outing, but a rare treat I indulge in every 3 weeks or so. And my fave activity of supermarketing has cut down to about once a month. Tres sad, I daresay.

I'm missing my Life. I'm missing it so greatly at times, I wish I woke up, and the present was gone, and I somehow was placed back in the past. If for but only a moment in time. I'd do it. For that one minute, I can walk down Bank Street and pop into Peko Peko for the world's BEST cafe latte and Honey Chicken. For a drive down St Kilda Road, and a simple sketch by the beach. I long for the day, when I enjoyed my cigarette (one good thing, is that I've kicked the habit now!) with nothing but a book and a hot G.T. I miss the time when personal space was not a luxury that I had to fight to enjoy, but rather, a daily life that I was living.

Will I ever feel that freedom again? To be cut loose and left out there alone, to fend for myself. Where the choice of getting out of bed, and to DO something was solely up to me. I wonder, i ponder and I wait. And until that time comes, I can only dream. For dreaming takes me out of this world, and back into time where there were no boundaries. And my dreams were real.

Love just ain't enough.

What makes it work?
What makes WHAT work?
Let's talk about relationships for a bit.

Hmm. Let's just think what makes them work? Firstly, I think it's imperative to have a sense of equality and fairness, for both parties, to be in play. I mean, it has to be a 50-50 situation, doesn't it? But in actuality, is it that way? No it isn't. At any one given time, I don't believe people exist in a split 50-50 relationship. It's more like today you're going to be giving 70 while I'm giving 30, but then, tomorrow it might just be a reverse. Frustrating as it is, that is just how relationships work!

Now, the confusing things about relationships is, when should someone say I GIVE UP? When they aren't serious? When it isn't real? I ask you, is loving another simply a task that you do during a committed period of your life? Or is Loving Someone an entire lifestyle overhaul that a person must undertake in order to call that OTHER someone their significant other? I choose the second. But then, though I feel that the second is what defines what Love, and a Loving Relationship is, my opinion is that Humans are somewhat incapable nowadays of being truly committed to that Significant Other.

I don't really get what I'm trying to say at this point, and it irks me because normally my flow of words comes easily. Let me not digress, and go back to the main focus once more.

What makes a Relationship work? The answer lies right in that VERY sentence. WORK>
A relationship is a Work-In-Progress - it doesn't have an ending to it, like the wrapping up of a project, or the closing of a book. It doesn't have several chapters that one must go through. Well, it kinda does have chapters in a way, but it doesn't end. And if the Relationship ends? Then it wouldn't really be considered much of a relationship to begin with anyway! :( I don't know if what I'm saying makes any sense. I just needed a space to vent.

And vent I have, and work I shall. Adios amigos.