When a Snail Crosses Your Path

When a snail crosses your path

Do you stop to say Good day?

Or walk past oblivious to its existence, 

Or do you just squash it anyway?

Well, a snail crossed my path one night

It inched forward ever so slow

I stopped to peer down over my nose

To ask him, "Snail, where do you go?"

He didn't answer

Not a sound did he make,

But as he moved silently along

A lesson home, I did take

In this hustle and bustle oh-so-noisy world

We scarce take time to breathe

To remember what living is all about

To enjoy the flowers and trees

The night I met the snail has long past

But the memory of him lingers on,

Life, my friends, is not yours forever

And one day, it'll all be gone.

12x12 Cafe, Suntec City

Going Green with a Bite. 

Took a breather to update about this health junkie must-visit cafe at Suntec City - 12x12. Sitting right next to Strip (ooh, I Love) for those avid waxers. I suppose the notion would be that those who spend time and money on grooming (a XXX Wax sets you back about $60) will want to keep their bodies beautiful from WITHIN as well. 

Hence, the feel-good crunchie munchies.

Watercress with figs and i can't remember what else made for a good fresh-tasting salad. Raw figs aren't as good as dried ones, but still yummy anyway. 

Our half devoured fitballs made from polished rice and with various fillings. We had (if my memory serves me well) salmon and asparagus, chorizo balls, Thai (coriander caution), Spanish ham and one other that i can't place my finger on, but remember it was super good. 

Let's not forget the Haricot Verts aka Stringless bean salad. Ooooh lala. Slurpes. Crisp beans with pine nuts tossed generously thrown in, a perfectly hardboiled egg cut into halves with a sundried tomato on top...... Can you tell that this was my fave dish? 

Ok, I am a total sucker for healthy chow and despite it not being the cheapest of lunch time options, I'm definitely going to frequent it more. 

Here's to going green from within!

Understanding Pain.

A swollen ankle.

It really doesn't seem like a big deal, but somehow, spraining my ankle over a friendly (or not so friendly, rather) game of futsal taught me to appreciate little things that I take for granted all the time. I know, it sounds silly and almost frivolous of me to discount the 4 limbs I was born with, the eyes I can see with, the ears I can hear with but I've lived all my life taking these things for granted.

Ok, maybe not all the years. There was a year I caught a bad bout of pneumonia and was rushed to the hospital at 4am, coughing blood into my tissue. I remember being petrified and thinking I had TB instead.

So what just happened to get my foot all mangled and ugly like it is today? As I sit here with a half-melted ice pack (due to our country's insufferable heat), I try to recall the day's happenings.

But it wasn't the fall that snapped me to realizing how important walking was to me. When the doctor told me no high-impact activities for awhile, I was horrified! What would I do for exercise? Already I can feel the blobs of fat layer themselves on my slowly-getting-weaker body. I can feel myself expand as I lose stamina. Gosh.

Am I like exaggerating a tad or what? Anyway, the picture above is my foot as of today, 4 days after my fall. It's a little uglier in real life and a nasty blue black marks my bad fall. But see below for how it swelled up the first night.

Things I learnt to treat a sprained ankle:

1. Never think it isn't serious, and try to continue running/ walking/ playing the fool. I did that and it worsened.

2. Try get an ankle guard as soon as possible, for stability and support.

3. Ice the swollen area every 3-4 hours, for about 10mins each time. (In our weather, Ice packs don't last very long, so I'd suggest more frequently for shorter timespans).

4. Elevate it whenever possible to keep the blood from clotting around the swollen area.

5. Learn your morphone from your codeine. (just kidding). See a good doctor, who can prescribe a strong painkiller. Remember not to let your productivity slide when you're being distracted by excruciating pain from moving your ankle too much. Also, make sure your doctor knows about any drug allergies (eg - I'm allergic to Aspirin, so well, between getting a tight chest, itching and some wheezing or feeling the pain from a fall I kinda deserved, I'll choose the dull ache in my leg anytime!)

Guess that's about all the tips that Doc Ee feels in the mood to share for today. Also I've got other things to do. Sorry for the boring-est post ever! :) But it's good to show off my souvenirs from a tumble!!!

I can't wait for my foot to feel better. It looks atrocious, but inside, I'm not afraid of the pain. The pain helps to remind me that reality does hurt. That i am not invincible, and that I can be stopped short just when I'm sure of myself. I need to recover, and I want to recover. I will recover by next week, and the threadmill will be my home once more.

Our ugly nation rears its head once again

Let's not make a mountain out of a molehill.
That's what life should be about. Life is too short to nit-pick on the faults and mistakes of others. Sure, we all slip up, but need we be so judgmental? What kind of sad satisfaction do we get laughing at other's people misery?
I've gotten jaded in my one year back. There's such unhappiness in people's faces when they walk around. Everyone writes a letter to complain. The favourite pastime of the People is TO complain. It's gripe away, everyday.
Get a life.
Before you open your mouth, before you point the next finger. Stop, look, listen, THINK!!!!! There are families you are hurting with your spite and your malice. Stop being the biggest critic. Look at yourself before making condescending remarks insinuating you know best!

Sigh.

Grouchy.

Warning - Bitch post

Ahhhhh!!!

Something irked me yesterday and i almost forgot about wanting to post this! Was on the bus yesterday, yes, a super duper long trip home from Clarke Quay, and it ended up pretty packed. I thankfully found a seat, and settled in nicely, watching my fave L-Word on the tiny Ipod screen.

After about 20 mins, I had the sudden feeling that someone was watching me. Or rather, the screen I was looking. I snapped my head to the left and noticed that this lady next to me was watching the show intently.

So i clicked "Pause". And she too realized that she had been caught.

Gave V. a call and LOUDLY exclaimed, oh babe, you wouldn't believe it but the lady next to me is like watching the show too!

Honestly, doesn't mean that this is a public space and that you can watch over my shoulder. I mean, c'mon. Don't you have any decency? it's almost as bad as reading a stranger's text message! This made me think back to when I was younger and I hated people reading the newspapers or books that you're looking at while travelling on public transport.

Sigh.

We've got a nosy culture here in Singapore. -shrug- Some might argue that it's being inquisitive, and this would be seen as a good thing. I beg to defer. There's a time and place for poking your head into other people's lives, and you know what? If it's not meant for you, don't look. Kind of like Pandora's Box tale. But then, I doubt many people in Singapore would have heard of it.

Nosy Nation. Save us!

Bon Appetite at Bon Gout Cafe

Hungry.

Both of us were starved and indecisive. With each meal being a whole new experience, we always try to go to somewhere memorable, rather than just another old coffee shop. I wouldn't consider myself a diehard foodie, but I do love eating. :)

Japanese has got to win hands down as my fave grub and with Singapore offering so many different types of Japanese cuisine, I guess I can say i'm in Heaven. We went to a dive shop sale (Great Scuba Sale) at Riverwalk, Circular Road, but I'll get into the whole diving she-bang later on. For now, let's have a quickie about the delish grub I put away last night.


V. brought me to Bon Gout Cafe (pronounced Bon Goo) at 60 Robertson Quay, The Quayside, last night as we both had a craving for meat, served non-Western style. Japanese and Korean BBQ seemed a little too heavy at 9pm for dinner, and she recommended the bookstore cum cafe for its great prices, delectable dishes and peaceful ambience. I was not going to be disappointed.

Understated and clean, Bon Gout had every table in the tiny place occupied. Us being the only non-Japanese in there! A little old Japanese lady brought us our menu, and took our order. We ordered a Wasabi Mayo Deep Fried Chicken to share and ooh la la, this was the first time I think I've ever had Wasabi Mayo with a punch! I decided to load on the calories with a Pork Cutlet and Bon Gout Beef Curry with Rice, while V had a stir-fried pork with Miso and Eggplant.

Hmm, kinda wish I had chosen the stir-fried pork because the Eggplant was cooked to perfection. Juicy and tender, it wasn't overcooked and soggy. And the miso flavouring sat very well with the finely sliced lean pork. Yummz..... Definitely would go back to this quaint joint, and perhaps I might bring myself a magazine or two to keep myself occupied while I soak in the delightful atmosphere.

In my one year back, I've found it hard to find a dining place that doesn't have droves of crowds to put me off. I loathe crowds and one thing I miss about Melbourne was the emptiness of it at times. How I could take a morning off at a cafe at Clarendon Street, or perhaps at the nearby Peko Peko Cafe that was my humble workplace for 2years or so. Finding good coffee in Melbourne was never hard and around every street corner would be a friendly face and a big smile.

Egads. Didn't expect this post to get me homesick.

And yes, it is Home to me.

"The Scream"

Lips that taste of tears, they say,
Are the best for kissing.
~Dorothy Parker

It was like a cry for help, an awakening, a deeper insight to another person’s pain and hurts. It was a reflection of my youth, the long journey of life that has seen love and love lost, deaths and new life.

I read my brother’s new blog today and it moved me. His talent and ability to write so beautifully astounds me. I am blown away. I suppose, my parents never knew that they gave birth to three children who loved their words. Children who expressed themselves the best through visuals and through language. Creativity has played a large role in our growing up days, and although it seems that since coming home, I scarce can find time or energy to focus on growing my talents, I know it still lives in me. It lives in all three of us.

There are days in our lives where we feel lost. Without any sense of direction and no meaning to life, we plod on. Our eyes blinded by the seemingly important things in our life – work, money, friends, we forget those most important and dear to our lives. In the 2 weeks my parents went on their exotic trip to the Mediterranean, I spent time with my grandmother. Together with my siblings, we worked hard to make her smile once more. It has been 4 long sad months for my grandmother. She lost her best friend, her confidante, the one person in life that she would lay down HER life for. It brought great happiness to listen to her speak, and at the same time, saying our goodbyes left a bittersweet taste in my mouth. One day, she would be gone too. And our entire family will come together once more. This time, to mourn the great loss of a wonderful woman – Granny.

My grandmother isn’t a nag. She is polite, never demanding, never rude. She taught us to always be true to ourselves, our religion, our family and to watch our manners. She taught us that it important, be it rich of poor, to be honest in whatever we do. Never get ahead if the means you have to lie to be someone. She taught me that it was sometimes better not to say something hurtful, then to say it. Beauty is from within, and she is one of the most beautiful ladies in the world to me. To us.

In the week my parents were gone, I spent more time with my siblings. I listened to them, I watched over them. I was not always there with them, but it felt good to know that we have each other to rely on. Life has gone back to how it always is, and I don’t want to lose grip of what we have. I need to keep reaching out. Time is of the essence, and like grains of sand in an hourglass, they slip through our fingers and out of our lives. Forever. No amount of money or pleading can bring the past back to us. And it’s good that way. We live and we learn. I’m learning to appreciate who I have now and to let them know that I do care. The day will come when I will lose them, and they will in turn lose me.

But until then, I will care.

Pink, I love!

Had my theory class at Singapore's most disruptive location - Siglap Starbucks on Saturday. God. can't believe the amount of clangs and bangs the staff who worked there could razzle up. It was as if part of their coffee-barista role was to do a Stomp routine on everything - running water, coffee refill, milk frother. Everything was screaming, NOISY NOISY NOISY! Yowch. Headache, or what?

After sitting there straining to hear our poor instructor (who's a big dear!) go through a "lecture series" of the Padi Open Water Dive book for a good three hours, we headed off to Diveshop@SG, run by Gavin Ang. Located at ground level Golden Landmark, the dive shop was small but stocked with a good selection of wetsuits, regulators (Scuba Pro) and other diving paraphernalia. Nice friendly chap who fitted out my powder pink Pro Blue Snorkels with powered lens. He gave me a discount of $5, so altogether for a case, snorkel, masks and mask strap, it set me back $150. Not too bad, cos I figured had I picked the set up in Hawaii the exchange rate would've bust the budget!

Aren't they the sweetest pink? According to one of the sales guys, the powder pink was a colour designed for the Japanese market, except their version was pink and gray. Mine comes with the girliest white to contrast against the pink. I heart Barbie!

Can't wait to put it to the test on 1 Aug when we leave at the ungodly hour of 6.30am for Tioman. Woohoo! Let's get certified people!

Big smiles. Splashing in my head. I am so excited.

Sensation White

Relive youth. Relive energy. Relive friendship. I want to soar back through the skies and hurtle myself 4 years back. Carefree, light, truly free. No one owned me, and I owned no one. Nothing could stop me then. My world was my oyster. It revolved around the most basic of necessities. No need to prove anything to anyone. Except to be true to myself. To be me.

I want to live this feeling once more. Just a tiny taste to escape the humdrum of everyday living. What is the true meaning in life anymore? I want to dance with the angels. I want to sing from the mountaintop. I sound like an idiot dreamer.

Sensation White is happening, yes? No? I want to go home. And fly freely once more. Will you join me?

I'm good and I'm all yours

I promised you i'd be good and i was

I realised how sad i'd be if u were gone

how alone I'd feel

baby, please be patient

don't lose your cool

i don't want to lose you

blinded by ny stubborness, stupidity some may say

i push you away, i kick you hard

further and further each day

baby, please be patient

don't leave me all alone

i want you by my side

Loving you is easy

while loving me can be a chore

don't give up on me now girl

i keep loving you more and more

The Amazing You, My Perfectionist

119hrs gone, 53 hours more to go till you get home.

It's crazy how i'm counting down the hours till i see poopie again. Since she left for Hawaii, my life turned silent, the voice i used to hear almost every hour of the day isn't there anymore. A feeling of lost and emptiness without her even though it's only for 6days. Which makes me think how important she is to me. Sometimes we think that we have done the most for that special someone but only realised, it isn't enough when you don't have them. I felt that i could have done more than i thought i did.

We have gone through so much together, back when she was still living in Melb then moving back home. Many things had happened and changed around us and it wasn't easy for her. I can feel her when i read "get out, and stay out" written on 30th April. Many things happen for a reason, if it's good, we appreciate and cherish it and if it's bad, we accept and hope for the better. There are many signs that has convinced me that she is god's gift to me. Looking around me, it's almost impossible for most couple to survive in a relationship like ours. Starting from how we met and to date, the connection that we have, the unconditional love we share with one another.

I admire the beauty and intelligence in her. The way she is, shows how well she was brought up in a humble and well deserved respect family.

As promised to you poopie, i finally took time to read this blog and have also written this especially for you.

Thank you for all the sacrifices you have made and not giving up on me. I have learnt what loving someone truly is by just loving only you....baba

Tokyo-Transit

My bad for not checking my mobile's bandwidth and for now being so out of touch and unable to send a simple text even. Ｉｔ’ｓ　ｆｕｎｎｙ　ｔｈｏｕｇｈ，that one only realises how important the most minute of things can be only when they're gone.　Wow, what a cliche, but seriously, cliches tend to arise out of the most ordinary of life experiences.

Sometimes, magic happens.　 When one leasts expects it, and for that instant, I'm a believer once more. A believer that miracles do happen. A believer that there's such a thing as a fated connection. We both sit here, in two different realities. Me, at the Narita Airport Yahoo cafe, she at her desk at work, and we tapped into each other and made a connection at the exact same time. I landed two hours ago, and instead of heading for the free Internet here, I decided to head for a hearty beef bowl at the cafe here and watch a couple episodes of Heroes Season２．After sitting for a fair bit of time, I then decided it was time to logon and get in touch with my babe, so I went into our shared account, typed out a brief hello email and clicked 'Send'. When the page refreshed, I noticed I had an email from her, from the same account. Sent at the very same time.　　It was an unreal shock that travelled through me. The tiniest of shivers trembling up my spine.

Sigh. So near and yet so far huh baby？　Ａｂｏｕｔ　ｔｉｍｅ　ｕ　ａｃｔｕａｌｌｙ　READ this blog and contribute with at least ONE entry, you know? ：）　

As for the flight, it was a good oneーmy　first Japan Airlines flight, and hopefully not my last! The food was pretty yummy and the service was top notch. Plus, they weren't stingy with giving out Evian water for drinking. Good stuff!!! Well, I was hoping to roam around Japan for a bit while in Transit but well, perhaps on the way back, Daddy can bring me. Wonder how he's doing over there, can't believe I'm missing a Welcome Luau cos I was so stupidly careless!!!! : But, we live and we learn. Most importantly, I'm still here, aren't i?

Getting all psyched up about how pretty Maui is going to be and playing in the waterfall (supposedly I get to go on some tour) and perhaps taste a bit　scuba too! Well, August isn't too far away for me and me baba to really descend underwater. I'm a little tired and going to just surf while waiting for Someone (VIP) to logon.　Toodles, and until the next entry,　this is Miss Liz & Bobo signing out for this evening...

The Lasting Goodbye.

Sometimes when you say good bye to someone, you think that perhaps there will be another chance to say hello once again. More often than not, good byes are forever. No matter what promises are exchanged. Nor does it matter how sincere you felt about keeping the promise.

The world is a big wheel. And like all round things, it keeps spinning and before you know it, you're on the opposite side, and the person who said "See ya later" can't see you ever again. It's almost like death in a sense. I relived death this evening. An unfortunate death of a distant relative brought about fresh tears to my already dried eyes. For those who don't know, my grandpa of 88 years passed away this March 22nd, 2008. It was a dreary Saturday afternoon, and the entire family had rushed to his bedside in the ICU. No one, not even the most logical amongst us, could stay focused on what the doctor was saying that day. We could see his lips move, hear the words trickling from them. But understand them, we did not.



The afternoon my grandpa died, I felt something in me die as well. He wasn't the most jovial of souls, he wasn't the family clown who would sit basking in the centre of attention. Julian Arnold Raeburn was a quiet, thoughtful man. He was a man who loved his wife, and loved his children. He was a man who could silence the naughtiest grandchild just by craddling her in his arms. Julian never yelled. He never spoke fiercely at us, he never instilled fear. My memories of my grandfather, and the moments that we all shared still shine through so clearly in my mind. Carefree childhood days of yesterday a quick flashback through time.

Everyone felt the lost of Grandpa. We missed the times when we would go visit and he would bring us for walks at his void decks. We missed the playground visits that we used to have. I cried tonight, out of silly pity for myself. It hurt knowing that he isn't around anymore, and that Granny is hurting in her flat, all alone. It hurts that I can't, or don't, spend enough time with her. I look back at photos of myself taken several years ago and sneer at my childish "i don't care" attitude. The immature thinking I had that was all "me-me-me". Enough of that Liz, I've grown up now. Still, the child in me yearns for the one day we, as a family, will be re-united in Heaven.

i am the happiest.

i was the happiest when i didn't have to worry about what tomorrow would bring
i was the happiest when my dreams never ended and waking up wasn't a chore
i was the happiest when i could walk down the road and find a friend to listen
i was the happiest when trust was a reality and not some hidden desire
i was the happiest when i was free of the bonds of life
i was the happiest when things seemed in order
when life weren't so twisted
when situations weren't so warped

chancing across images of people from the past
friends who were couples, couples who are no longer friends
saddens me, shocks me, silences me
time has ravaged our innocence
replaced our human instincts with survival skills
every man every woman every child or creature for themselves
the sense of community vanished
loyalty but a twinkling of our past

lost contacts, broken dreams, shattered hearts
memories once held so close and dear now lost in the web of Cyberspace
we're connected by this thin thread that was once a common past
whether we remember or if we can bother to recall
amidst our busy days and nights
one cannot speak for the other and only for themselves
burning secret thoughts within plague each person
do you believe in honesty?
do you believe in people anymore?

and yet i still believe in the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow
i believe in miracles, in tomorrows, in dreams, in hopes
i believe in the magic of stardust
and the mysteries of moonbeams
i believe in tomorrow, say you'll believe in it too

Appreciating life.

It's easy to take things for granted. To take people for granted too. More often than not, we treat those who are worth keeping like dirt, while holding high those that will drop us like a hot stone in times of trouble. Do we stop, desist, halt and falter with our badly made decision? Alas, many times we do not even realize who are the people we are not treasuring enough, and time and again, we disappoint them.

Soon, it's going to be the middle of May. And just like that, I'm way into my 2nd month of being a mid-20 year old. It's such a weird feeling, something that I am still finding hard to believe despite time seeping through my fingers so easily. In these five short months, too many things have happened. Shocks, surprises - call them what you may, they were nonetheless unforeseen circumstances. Deaths, departures, you name them, I've lived them, as have many around me it seems, in this bizarre first half of 2008. Sometimes you live many months and years with scarce a "drama" occurring, and yet, it seems as though life is put on the fast forward, and everything and anything that can happen does, and your world just seems to go topsy-turvy, front and back, and you feel like Alice in Wonderland on some strange psychedelic chemical-induced state and then suddenly... suddenly, you stop.

Everything goes on a mighty.... long.... pause. And you take some time to simply step away. Time stands still and nothing moves. (Or so it seems). The earth ceases to rotate, the sun and day fuse together and you hurry along eagerly. And yet, nothing happens. This is called the Lull Period. The saying is true - and after the storm comes the calm. And the calm evades and it spreads. It spreads over you, over those around you. It spreads into your life, everything. Life, doesn't seem the burden it was. In fact, you can barely remember just how life was when things seemed a little too much. For now, you are in the position you can stand tall and look back over your shoulder and give that smirk you've been dying to give.

The storm has blown over. It's time to rebuild the foundations. Stronger and sturdier this time, so that when another deadly gust blows through, the foundation cannot be shattered. And the next time, you will be stronger. I will be stronger. In one single year (less, actually) of moving continents, I've learned so much. About myself, about presenting myself, about being real, about artificiality. I've learned to speak less and listen more. I've learned to listen to what I am about to say before I say it. I still have brash moments, sometimes I can't catch myself before causing irreversible hurts. But I am learning. And I am moving forward. We all are, we all grow. Towards a brighter future. Towards appreciating life and the true meaning of what it is to live.

get out, and stay out

will you get off your moral high horse already? stop trying to get everyone to see things your way.
no point quoting books, or making references. what you read, isn't always what you get. reality is a strange thing, and so is religion. we're all entitled to our own beliefs. you telling me if i don't follow the bible i get condemned? u telling me i have to believe in this because i'm baptized? i don't disagree in believing in something. i don't believe we should compromise our beliefs. but c'mon, u don't want others to impose things on you right? then why stoop so low as to judge?

i'm sick of the insults, of the hurts you've caused. i'm tired of it all. just get out. just stay out.

sad to say, it's really come down to this. but it has. i'm tired tired tired.

just stay . away.

The sweetest things in life are free . (Thank you, baba)

Priceless.

The world is a strange place today. People put value on everything, on friendships, on relationships, and despite so many saying that "money isn't anything", truth be told that wealth does act as a key access to many areas in life. Sad but true. However, cliche as this may sound, there is one thing that money can't buy. Something that is intangible, something that is truly priceless. The everlasting sweet memory of the simplest deed done for you, and only you, at practically no cost at all. Except for another person's time, sweat and effort.

And that, my friends, is worth more than all the millions in the world.

Why my sudden lashing out at materialism? This year marks (or marked, rather) my turning a Quarter of a Century. Ok, so those of you out there above this 25-year mark may think I'm simply blowing this whole aging process a tad out of proportion, but I beg to differ. For me, I've said this too many times before and I'll say it again - I'm a gust of wind. A seasonal breeze that may blow hot or cold, depending entirely on my mood and given situation. Anyway, this year I turn 25, and it's the second year I'm spending it with my sweet V.T. And what a celebration it was. Not only was this my Q.C, but it was also our 1st Year Anniversary. One whole long year together, and it's been a marvellous one year, with so many beautiful memories etched into my memory for this lifetime and next.


We celebrated my birthday on the 5th April (on a Saturday this year, how convenient) by meeting in the evening for a splendid dinner at Keyaki Restaurant at Pan Pacific. Loving my Japanese with a pet weakness for yakitori skewers, I ordered up a storm and was pleasantly surprised when this place actually had the ox tongue I've been so desperately craving.

We finished up in time to head over to the Singapore Flyer to get a bird's eye view of Singapore and despite much criticisms about the Flyer, I must say I enjoyed myself. Thoroughly. Amidst the hustle and bustle of speeding cars and bright lights, we stood, 165m elevated above ground level and time stood still. Everything went on a pause, and nothing seem to be bothering me at that point. She continued to maintain a level of secrecy about this enormous paper bag she was carried and adamantly refused to let me peek in to see the contents hiding within. We went to this quirky teahouse in Chinatown (by chance I might add) called Global Sounds and had some pots of tea while waiting for the clock to strike 12.

Midnight fell upon us, and she asked me to close my eyes which I promptly did. When I opened them, there was a sight that I'll never forget, and my silly eyes welled up with heavy tears of emotion. See below picture as words cannot describe the happiness I felt that night.


This was my night and it was dedicated to me. Thank you baba, for the magical spell you've woven me this one year and for continuing to light up each day with the mere thought of you.

Aloha from Andaman Coffee Co.

It's Liz here, am sitting in Andaman Coffee Co. at Karon Beach and it's the end of our third day here. Val's bought 2 drinks for us - Andaman Freeze and an Ice Latte, so I get to use the Net for a bit. But for like 15 mins, and this (Phuket) still being a pretty developing place, the ADSL is a tad slow.

But no matter, this isn't a serious post. It's quite unreal to actually be sitting here and typing a blog post. :) We had a great dinner too. At Vittaporn "Authentic" Thai Restaurant along Karon Beach. I quite like Karon beach, the crowd's a lot more tame and decent as compared to the rowdy scene in Patong. Of cos heavy party animals may not like the breathe-easy laidback feel over here, but hey, I needed to get away from bloody Singapore so badly cos of it's fussy crowds, so I'm definitely not one to complain.

Anyway, I think the drinks are done, and someone's sitting idly behind me browsing some Phuket Exclusive life magazine. Hah! Like WE"VE got the moolah to do a bit of spending here. Although I have to say I am a beach girl, and I mean, somehow, I'd choose a resort over a skyscraper city anyhow! Give me pina colada's and a bottle of carrot infused tanning oil that reeks of coconut. Give me tanned bodies on a beach of soft white sand. Give me BBQ seafood and freshly sliced sashimi with an ice cold beer. I'm a beach girl, though my recent pale skinned has made me seem otherwise.

I'm absolutely loving Phuket despite multiple criticisms saying that it's become commercialized. Perhaps Patong is, what with Singapore owned Jungceylon and Mac's, Burger King, Starbucks (Ok, fine, so Karon also has like one Starbucks, except we chose Andaman Coffee Co instead!) but I love the beach we've chosen. Also, being the only Asians in our resort kind of makes us feel really special.

Signing off for now. Perhaps I'll convince Miss Grumpy to come here for coffee in the morning and I get to post another entry. :) I love this place. :) Ciaos!

Lost in time (Leave me there, reality bites hard and fast)

Can it really be past the middle of March already? Am i almost going to turn the big 2-5? Almost impossible it seems, but yet, it is real. Aging has become a part of my life that I can't believe has set in. I had this thought, that you know you're old when you say "Oh i just sat for my O Levels awhile back" but then you realise, that your younger sister is actually done with HER O Levels, and just bought a spanking new lappie for Poly. Wow. Time flies huh?

And as all old fogies do when they realise that the precious sands of time are beginning to slip through their fingers at an irreversibly quick speed, I too, have begun to do much reminiscing. With so much of my time spent at work, I find that each moment has become all the more special and to be cherished. I no longer am able to take my three hour naps as often as I wish, or watch some random MTV, I no longer can go for the many coffees, have the many glasses of wine. Movies aren't a regular outing, but a rare treat I indulge in every 3 weeks or so. And my fave activity of supermarketing has cut down to about once a month. Tres sad, I daresay.

I'm missing my Life. I'm missing it so greatly at times, I wish I woke up, and the present was gone, and I somehow was placed back in the past. If for but only a moment in time. I'd do it. For that one minute, I can walk down Bank Street and pop into Peko Peko for the world's BEST cafe latte and Honey Chicken. For a drive down St Kilda Road, and a simple sketch by the beach. I long for the day, when I enjoyed my cigarette (one good thing, is that I've kicked the habit now!) with nothing but a book and a hot G.T. I miss the time when personal space was not a luxury that I had to fight to enjoy, but rather, a daily life that I was living.

Will I ever feel that freedom again? To be cut loose and left out there alone, to fend for myself. Where the choice of getting out of bed, and to DO something was solely up to me. I wonder, i ponder and I wait. And until that time comes, I can only dream. For dreaming takes me out of this world, and back into time where there were no boundaries. And my dreams were real.

Love just ain't enough.

What makes it work?
What makes WHAT work?
Let's talk about relationships for a bit.

Hmm. Let's just think what makes them work? Firstly, I think it's imperative to have a sense of equality and fairness, for both parties, to be in play. I mean, it has to be a 50-50 situation, doesn't it? But in actuality, is it that way? No it isn't. At any one given time, I don't believe people exist in a split 50-50 relationship. It's more like today you're going to be giving 70 while I'm giving 30, but then, tomorrow it might just be a reverse. Frustrating as it is, that is just how relationships work!

Now, the confusing things about relationships is, when should someone say I GIVE UP? When they aren't serious? When it isn't real? I ask you, is loving another simply a task that you do during a committed period of your life? Or is Loving Someone an entire lifestyle overhaul that a person must undertake in order to call that OTHER someone their significant other? I choose the second. But then, though I feel that the second is what defines what Love, and a Loving Relationship is, my opinion is that Humans are somewhat incapable nowadays of being truly committed to that Significant Other.

I don't really get what I'm trying to say at this point, and it irks me because normally my flow of words comes easily. Let me not digress, and go back to the main focus once more.

What makes a Relationship work? The answer lies right in that VERY sentence. WORK>
A relationship is a Work-In-Progress - it doesn't have an ending to it, like the wrapping up of a project, or the closing of a book. It doesn't have several chapters that one must go through. Well, it kinda does have chapters in a way, but it doesn't end. And if the Relationship ends? Then it wouldn't really be considered much of a relationship to begin with anyway! :( I don't know if what I'm saying makes any sense. I just needed a space to vent.

And vent I have, and work I shall. Adios amigos.

Gong Xi, welcoming the Year of the Flab

Red packets everywhere, hands exchanging bright oranges... Well-wishes, cheek kisses.

Ah, the sweet familiar scene of the Lunar New Year. I was back for this festive period in 2006, has it REALLY been 2 years already? And what a different kind of NY it was. I spent in with a new Somebody in my life (who btw, has NOT written ONE single post yet *HINT-HINT*) and got more acquainted with the in-laws (haha). I must say, it's been an exceptionally enjoyable new year. And for the first time in my life, I felt that the -break- was a well-deserved one.

Singapore's work culture is a very driven one, with competitive folk passionate about what they do, all with their own sets of ideals and aspirations for what they who they want to be. Well, almost everyone. There's a pretty damn big population of disgruntled Singaporeans who do nothing more than sit on their asses and complain. Yes, they whine and gripe about the same thing - cost of living, job scope, no work/life balance... the list goes on. Ok, so i'm guilty of doing my share of whinging but honestly, if it's within my control, then really, why be such a kao pei kao bu? I mean, think about it... if we didn't work so hard every second of every day of our life (yah, in the shower we work pretty hard at cleaning up and grooming too!) then how would we know how to enjoy a "break" when it fell upon us? It's like that theory, you know? How would we be able to know what happiness tastes like when we've never sampled sadness?

I believe after every thunderstorm, there shines a rainbow. It'll spring out of nowhere and appear in the most magical of ways. To be quite frank, after years of pretty bland CNY celebrations, I finally had a beautiful and memorable one. Too bad I forgot to take pics to mark the various occasions, but there was a myriad of tears and laughters, friends and family that will forever be ingrained in my memory.

I had a blast.

I lost some, I won some.

Ah heck, it's the New Year, what's a bit of friendly exchange between friends? My new principle in life I can try applying to everything else I suppose.

Be a little more giving, be a little less demanding. Appreciate the simple moments, when you get them, and make full use OF them. Worries of work piling up in the back of your head? Tell yourself that you'll get down to it after the get togethers are over. And make sure you do it.

Post-weekender Blues

When time is precious and it seems a long week ahead before I see her again, I feel the post-weekender Blues set in. I know this happens when I get the 1) grouchies and the 2) moodies. What's that you might ask? Well, the 'grouchies' is when I start picking on absolutely and entirely nothing.

I believe we all get the grouchies. You know, that irksome feeling of discontent, when nothing and yet everything troubles you. When you pick on that one special loved one in your life, and jeopardize each precious second you spend together.

The moodies start on a different note. They kick in about 2-3 hours after the grouchies have played up big time and you've already caused a mini-scene between the both of you. The sallow pining starts and your insides go "du-uh..." and it's a little ouch all over your brain, your heart.

Sigh. I've got a big case of both the grouchies and the moodies. I don't know why. Perhaps it's a "period-ical" (my own word, btw) thing. I feel so restless and the thought of Chinese New Year and relatives asking the same age-old question "oh, so what are you doing now?" or "are you seeing anyone" start popping up. And this time, I can't be straightforward. I can't answer in full. That kind of really sucks. Everything is picking at my dulled brain and I feel the damp gray mass within squish around noisily. Sometimes, especially of late, it gets painful to even think. Not that I have that much time to think anyway, since I always seem to be rushing from place to place. From one activity to another. Before you know it, the weekend is good and over.

Ugh. I've got to pull myself together and face another day. What can I say? I miss her.

Breaking free from the Mould

Belonging is something that people always want, something that it seems, almost everyone craves for. Yet at times, I meet people who make me wonder what is it they want? Why do they do the things that they do?

In a place like Singapore, we are quick to fault others, we jump to the occasion at pointing out someone's elses bad points, their faults, their weaknesses. We do so in order to make ourselves feel better than them, in a futile attempt to conceal our own insecurities and doubts. Singaporeans, despite their many complaints, are happy to whine about something and yet, not work to do anything to change it. Why? For fear of the authorities, for fear of public backlash, for fear that their own family members may cease to support them. This country seems to be run almost by an unspoken fear and not by communal respect. Saying this however, I am sure, that fellow countryman do love and respect our people in power very much. If not, then how can they still be running the country (and our lives) up until today? They do not face threat from an opposition party, their vote counts still remain strong. This point veers off my topic for today, and it's back to the idea of "belonging" once more.

Belonging to me is about acceptance. Acceptance from your loved ones, from the society you belong to, and lastly, from yourself. A seemingly confidant person may actually be an insecure emotional wreck internally, using the facade of strength and power to give others the illusion that they are in control of their lives, thus making them admirable in some sense and even likeable. In actuality, their confidence could be based on skills they have acquired precisely to boost their own appeal to others.

I don't believe that not chasing your dreams is the way to go. But if wanting to become a doctor, a lawyer... (and the list goes on) is solely because of your yearning for earning great sums of money, then I feel you and your career are headed on a downward spiral. And ultimately, end up at a hard, brick wall. Let me not criticize the loud and the noisy, I personally don't feel anything is wrong with that. Being slightly deaf and having an unusually loud voice myself, I tend to get slightly loud. I do feel though, that those that adopt the mindset that the "confident" louder personalities tend to be more accepted are hugely mistaken. And, as I've learnt over this weekend, belonging is more about giving yourself up to someone else entirely. Without fear of rejection, you put your trust in this person, with full confidence that the person will accept you. Not an easy feat if at times you tend to be overbearing!

Sadly, I feel we lack an understanding of this thinking here in Singapore. We are taught from young to work hard and achieve the best, to be the first in everything we do. Regardless of the people that we hurt along the way. The reasoning behind this is that it doesn't matter what the consequence to OTHERS of our actions, but we WILL be accepted because we have established ourselves as people others want to emulate and learn from. Don't get me wrong, I respect people who have worked hard to achieve much. But I feel that one should only embark in such a journey because they want to be a provider for others, and not flaunt their cash on useless cars or excessive displays of wealth. Live life simply and full. How can you accept yourself if your behaviour is less than acceptable? And if you cannot accept yourself, then how can you expect others to accept you much less feel that you belong to them, and them to you?


I hope I do not sound preachy, I am not one to preach, but only share my thoughts. And I ask for you to reflect on life and its many occurances. Examine WHY they happen and not WHY ME. Drink from the cup fills half full and not half empty. Everyone has their pot at the end of the rainbow - A sense of belonging. This is one dream you can chase, and the journey is one only you can pave a path for.

Ungraciously Singapore - Encouraging the devils to breed within our Nation

Living here - Why I get so put off.

Will somebody get them to shut up already?!?!?!?

Someone recently posted a blog touching on the topic of misbehaving parents in Singapore - this post linked to a letter in ST by a Mrs Tay, who was voicing a complaint about the rigid practices of a librarian in Singapore who refused her child entry to a story-telling session due to her age. There was a rather stupid comment (excuse my judgment, perhaps its a bad day, and his comment just irked me badly!) by an Anon. blogger who said the librarian should "lighten up" as these are KIDS we are dealing with, what's the big deal???

Jesus Christ.

What's the big deal about letting a pushy parent force entry for her child (aged 2 yrs and 4 mths) into a reading session meant for 5-6 yr olds or worse yet, sit IN for the reading session? I guess there isn't any big deal about opening a "floodgates" that may at the moment seem like a small issue, but fast forward a good 20 - 30 years, and I can guarantee that the kid will grow up to be yet another i) spoilt, ii) inconsiderate and iii) ill-mannered child. Oh big whoop. As if our country didn't have enough middle-aged (and mostly middle-class wannabe rich) inconsiderate louts pushing and shoving their way on the streets of Singapore! Yes, granted that the kid IS only barely hitting 3 yrs, but these are the most influential years of a toddlers life - they learn from their surroundings, and pick up vital life lessons in their childhood days. Whoever argues that childhood doesn't play a role in one's development is seriously short-sighted or hugely misinformed.

Ok, let's get things straight here. I'm not an angel myself, never have been, never will be. However, I believe basic courtesy, manners and consideration for people in OUR community are skills lacking in this so-called developed country. Come on Countrymen, are we that barbaric? Are we working so hard on building up wealth for ourselves that we've forgotten that only with a collective effort can a Nation live peacefully? It takes one rotten apple to turn a whole basket of fruits bad. Encouraging behavior such as that of Mrs Tay, and many other likeminded Kiasu Singaporean parents will only end up in more of such Types living here. Why do you think those that prefer the gracious world move overseas? It isn't usually the pull of money that drive citizens out of the country. It is the People.

Living Overseas - why I loved it so much more.

I had a good run of 6 years in Melbourne and during my stay there I experienced the Good, the Bad, the Ugly. And boy, is their ugly ever bad! However, their good seemed to overrun the bad. People don't give fierce stares if you bump into them at the supermarket aisle, they give a nod and say "you're alright". They greet each other in the lift with "G'day Mate". This may be diverging from the main stem of argument, but one incident chalked clearly in my memory is sitting in my apartment corridor with my dog and my neighbour and her dog. Her little cat (a stray she had rescued) had climbed into my unit over the balcony, and I had walked next door to pass it back. We both brought our doggies out to play and have a chat on the clean carpet. It didn't matter that we were of a different colour, or background. It didn't matter that we worked different jobs. It didn't matter that I actually hadn't known her name, until that day. :) What mattered was, that we were living side by side, and we both had little dogs of our own. Two male neighbours returned (TV presenters on a local news station) and they ended up standing there and having a little chat with us. Friendly words exchanged, it felt warm, cozy.. despite the cold winter breeze outside, and I felt so at home.

Colour of skin was never a real issue in Melbourne, Whites and Asians danced alongside each other at rave events. Interracial couples strolled hand in hand, as did same-sex couples, and no one seemed to blink an eye. Things that people here would stare at, or even mock, was seen as accepted there. People never judged. At least, not the ones that I had the chance to mix with. Though the cultural divide was quite great appearance wise - there were several Aussie friends who would comment on the texture of my skin, or how black my eyes were - we were all still Humans nonetheless. In a country where the One People Party once dominated, Australia has now opened up to immigrants, regardless of ethnicity. The Whites found us endearing and interesting, they enjoyed hearing our accents when we spoke in rapid English. They enjoyed hearing our descriptions of our various homelands. They enjoyed playing host to us, and they enjoyed us being there too.

As for standard of living, despite the article about a Sydney man dying alone, it didn't seem the case where I was living at. The elderly walked around looking pretty cheerful, hand in hand, holidaying in idyllic places. Or enjoying their morning cuppa at a quaint cafe. Cafe's that had tables free from "choping" with packets of tissue paper. Cafes where no service was charged for, but with waiters so engaged in your well-being that you simply had to tip 10% or more. You wouldn't get a parent wanting to "sit in" for a child's reading session and you definitely wouldn't get one writing in the national news quoting the Government as encouraging us to bring out kids for "reading activities". What pish-posh they'd say! And looking at how the public's (aussie) reacted to Corey Delany, the interviewer drew much flak than Corey by her insisting he take off his "famous" glasses and apologize nationally!

Conclusion

Well, Singaporeans don't look anywhere near to being a considerate nation which respects people, and Kiasu-ism is definitely NOT a dying trait. To me, I wish that the majority of locals who do nothing but rant and rave about how the government isn't doing enough would just SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Because seriously, have a glance in the mirror and take those damned tinted glasses off, this isn't Oz and there aren't any ruby slippers here to save the munchkins from the Evil witch.

Holding hands: Girls + Girls

Girl talk
*warning: this is not a travel piece*

I spent my Saturday watching multiple seasons of L-word at my gf's house and although many "real" lesbians say that the show is not representative of the female gay community, I must admit that the writers of the show have cleverly scripted in issues faced by many - gay or straight. Of course, in a country like this where media laws remain strict and rigid, the average Joe (or Ah Seng, which might be what we can label heartlanders, no offence) will never be exposed to such portrayals of women on screen. Granted, scenes in this TV drama may prove too racy for many, but shouldn't there even be a choice in what people can buy off the shelves in the DVD store? Are people simply sheep that have to be led in their direction of thought? Whatever happened to personal choice? What happened to free will?

I've never seen myself as an activist of any sort. I just have an opinion, and most of the time, I stick to it. Me being stubborn as a mule. I am also resistant to other's opinions - this a fault I am still learning to overcome. A wise person gave me a tip for life the other day, and that is to always retain my childlike curiosity, and the willingness to learn and discover. Funny how in this country, we are encouraged to push boundaries of thought. Funny how the schools always stress for us to "think outside the box".

But is radical thinking really accepted in Singapore? Sadly, the answer is no.

A short while following my return to Singapore from liberal Australia, I witnessed the controversy surrounding Section 377A of the Penal Code, and the heated debate on whether a repeal was needed. How the gay life was portrayed in the media was shocking and biased. One sided and sounding overly Christian, the articles chose to explore the "dark" realms of homosexuality, and when there were opinions that sought to open one's mind to consider another kind of life, it was usually reserved for the back pages, or a much shorter prose. It saddened me that even those I love very much remain closed to the idea of an alternative life. It saddened me that they used Religion (Christianity, in particular) as a basis of argument. In one episode of L-Word, a hetero White male criticized homosexuality and said if his kids admitted to being gay, he would be terribly distraught. In response, Bette (a key strong figure in the series) questions a world of people who criticize a life they do not know, not because they care about the happiness about their children, but because they feel this Life is something that disagrees with their own belief. This was a powerful moment, and I understood where she was coming from fully. Question: Is it wrong to pose judgement on another simply because their lifestyle makes you feel uncomfortable? Is it wrong to want your own peace of mind more than another's happiness?

We aren't talking about crimes like paedophilia, or fetishes such as beastiality or SM. We're talking about a consentual act committed between two people. They may argue that the homo's life revolves around a more "free" and "loose" sex life, but I can also argue that a hetero's life doesn't seem to be much better. Straight people are just as into pre-marital sex and many being Christians even.

Is this a case of the pot calling the kettle black?

And so, in Sunny Sing, the massive contradiction lies in the way the leaders are trying to lead its people. We've always strived to be the best, our Kiasuism means that we cannot lose, we must always win. But we've already lost the race. MM Lee recently said in an interview that it wouldn't be in HIS lifetime that he would see Singapore transform into a gracious society. And though I agree, I also think that there are fundamental problems with our society. Problems that prevent us from growing and developing into a country with first world thinking.

I'm not into politics, never have been, never will be. But I am into equality. And I do want to live in a world made for equals. Some may laugh at my naive thinking. Simplistic it is, and overly idealistic. I never said I wasn't a dreamer. I wish I could do more. I wish Singapore became an accepting community. And then it can grow. It will develop. This country will not only be number one in terms of the country's reserves, but also number one in human rights beliefs. We are separated and segregated. If we aren't distinguished by our race, we are defined by our meritocracy. Our sexual orientation also sets us apart from each other. And as if this last one isn't the most obvious - into the Elite, and simply, Everybody else.

I digress. The main focus of this post was inspired by the issues covered in the L-Word. Those with a credit card and an Amazon account should seriously consider picking up a copy. Highly attractive androgynous Shane oozes sex appeal from each pore on her body and makes the show an entertaining watch. Apart from covering really in depth topics relating to lesbians, the show gets a thumbs up from me for having women take the seat and be The Focus for the series. I'm not talking some Desparate Housewives or Sex in the City fluffy fun (don't get me wrong, i LOVE SATC) as the L-Word is a gritty movie full of swear words and romps aplenty. For those that wish to see even more issues faced by gay people, Will & Grace is a lighthearted sitcom set in where else but the city that never sleeps - New York. A hilarious cast that will not fail to entertain, WIll & Grace also touches on serious issues beneath all that gay time (ouch, excuse the pun!).

2007 has opened up many doors, and I was shocked to see such a sensitive topic broached in the mainstream newspapers. Although biased and unreflective of reality, any coverage is better than no coverage. I have faith, in our country and its people. And I hope that in time, we will learn to grow. To grow with each other, to learn tolerance and acceptance. And most importantly, for each and every person to fly free and live their Dream.

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