The Amazing You, My Perfectionist

119hrs gone, 53 hours more to go till you get home.

It's crazy how i'm counting down the hours till i see poopie again. Since she left for Hawaii, my life turned silent, the voice i used to hear almost every hour of the day isn't there anymore. A feeling of lost and emptiness without her even though it's only for 6days. Which makes me think how important she is to me. Sometimes we think that we have done the most for that special someone but only realised, it isn't enough when you don't have them. I felt that i could have done more than i thought i did.

We have gone through so much together, back when she was still living in Melb then moving back home. Many things had happened and changed around us and it wasn't easy for her. I can feel her when i read "get out, and stay out" written on 30th April. Many things happen for a reason, if it's good, we appreciate and cherish it and if it's bad, we accept and hope for the better. There are many signs that has convinced me that she is god's gift to me. Looking around me, it's almost impossible for most couple to survive in a relationship like ours. Starting from how we met and to date, the connection that we have, the unconditional love we share with one another.

I admire the beauty and intelligence in her. The way she is, shows how well she was brought up in a humble and well deserved respect family.

As promised to you poopie, i finally took time to read this blog and have also written this especially for you.

Thank you for all the sacrifices you have made and not giving up on me. I have learnt what loving someone truly is by just loving only you....baba

Tokyo-Transit

My bad for not checking my mobile's bandwidth and for now being so out of touch and unable to send a simple text even. Ｉｔ’ｓ　ｆｕｎｎｙ　ｔｈｏｕｇｈ，that one only realises how important the most minute of things can be only when they're gone.　Wow, what a cliche, but seriously, cliches tend to arise out of the most ordinary of life experiences.

Sometimes, magic happens.　 When one leasts expects it, and for that instant, I'm a believer once more. A believer that miracles do happen. A believer that there's such a thing as a fated connection. We both sit here, in two different realities. Me, at the Narita Airport Yahoo cafe, she at her desk at work, and we tapped into each other and made a connection at the exact same time. I landed two hours ago, and instead of heading for the free Internet here, I decided to head for a hearty beef bowl at the cafe here and watch a couple episodes of Heroes Season２．After sitting for a fair bit of time, I then decided it was time to logon and get in touch with my babe, so I went into our shared account, typed out a brief hello email and clicked 'Send'. When the page refreshed, I noticed I had an email from her, from the same account. Sent at the very same time.　　It was an unreal shock that travelled through me. The tiniest of shivers trembling up my spine.

Sigh. So near and yet so far huh baby？　Ａｂｏｕｔ　ｔｉｍｅ　ｕ　ａｃｔｕａｌｌｙ　READ this blog and contribute with at least ONE entry, you know? ：）　

As for the flight, it was a good oneーmy　first Japan Airlines flight, and hopefully not my last! The food was pretty yummy and the service was top notch. Plus, they weren't stingy with giving out Evian water for drinking. Good stuff!!! Well, I was hoping to roam around Japan for a bit while in Transit but well, perhaps on the way back, Daddy can bring me. Wonder how he's doing over there, can't believe I'm missing a Welcome Luau cos I was so stupidly careless!!!! : But, we live and we learn. Most importantly, I'm still here, aren't i?

Getting all psyched up about how pretty Maui is going to be and playing in the waterfall (supposedly I get to go on some tour) and perhaps taste a bit　scuba too! Well, August isn't too far away for me and me baba to really descend underwater. I'm a little tired and going to just surf while waiting for Someone (VIP) to logon.　Toodles, and until the next entry,　this is Miss Liz & Bobo signing out for this evening...

The Lasting Goodbye.

Sometimes when you say good bye to someone, you think that perhaps there will be another chance to say hello once again. More often than not, good byes are forever. No matter what promises are exchanged. Nor does it matter how sincere you felt about keeping the promise.

The world is a big wheel. And like all round things, it keeps spinning and before you know it, you're on the opposite side, and the person who said "See ya later" can't see you ever again. It's almost like death in a sense. I relived death this evening. An unfortunate death of a distant relative brought about fresh tears to my already dried eyes. For those who don't know, my grandpa of 88 years passed away this March 22nd, 2008. It was a dreary Saturday afternoon, and the entire family had rushed to his bedside in the ICU. No one, not even the most logical amongst us, could stay focused on what the doctor was saying that day. We could see his lips move, hear the words trickling from them. But understand them, we did not.



The afternoon my grandpa died, I felt something in me die as well. He wasn't the most jovial of souls, he wasn't the family clown who would sit basking in the centre of attention. Julian Arnold Raeburn was a quiet, thoughtful man. He was a man who loved his wife, and loved his children. He was a man who could silence the naughtiest grandchild just by craddling her in his arms. Julian never yelled. He never spoke fiercely at us, he never instilled fear. My memories of my grandfather, and the moments that we all shared still shine through so clearly in my mind. Carefree childhood days of yesterday a quick flashback through time.

Everyone felt the lost of Grandpa. We missed the times when we would go visit and he would bring us for walks at his void decks. We missed the playground visits that we used to have. I cried tonight, out of silly pity for myself. It hurt knowing that he isn't around anymore, and that Granny is hurting in her flat, all alone. It hurts that I can't, or don't, spend enough time with her. I look back at photos of myself taken several years ago and sneer at my childish "i don't care" attitude. The immature thinking I had that was all "me-me-me". Enough of that Liz, I've grown up now. Still, the child in me yearns for the one day we, as a family, will be re-united in Heaven.

i am the happiest.

i was the happiest when i didn't have to worry about what tomorrow would bring
i was the happiest when my dreams never ended and waking up wasn't a chore
i was the happiest when i could walk down the road and find a friend to listen
i was the happiest when trust was a reality and not some hidden desire
i was the happiest when i was free of the bonds of life
i was the happiest when things seemed in order
when life weren't so twisted
when situations weren't so warped

chancing across images of people from the past
friends who were couples, couples who are no longer friends
saddens me, shocks me, silences me
time has ravaged our innocence
replaced our human instincts with survival skills
every man every woman every child or creature for themselves
the sense of community vanished
loyalty but a twinkling of our past

lost contacts, broken dreams, shattered hearts
memories once held so close and dear now lost in the web of Cyberspace
we're connected by this thin thread that was once a common past
whether we remember or if we can bother to recall
amidst our busy days and nights
one cannot speak for the other and only for themselves
burning secret thoughts within plague each person
do you believe in honesty?
do you believe in people anymore?

and yet i still believe in the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow
i believe in miracles, in tomorrows, in dreams, in hopes
i believe in the magic of stardust
and the mysteries of moonbeams
i believe in tomorrow, say you'll believe in it too

Appreciating life.

It's easy to take things for granted. To take people for granted too. More often than not, we treat those who are worth keeping like dirt, while holding high those that will drop us like a hot stone in times of trouble. Do we stop, desist, halt and falter with our badly made decision? Alas, many times we do not even realize who are the people we are not treasuring enough, and time and again, we disappoint them.

Soon, it's going to be the middle of May. And just like that, I'm way into my 2nd month of being a mid-20 year old. It's such a weird feeling, something that I am still finding hard to believe despite time seeping through my fingers so easily. In these five short months, too many things have happened. Shocks, surprises - call them what you may, they were nonetheless unforeseen circumstances. Deaths, departures, you name them, I've lived them, as have many around me it seems, in this bizarre first half of 2008. Sometimes you live many months and years with scarce a "drama" occurring, and yet, it seems as though life is put on the fast forward, and everything and anything that can happen does, and your world just seems to go topsy-turvy, front and back, and you feel like Alice in Wonderland on some strange psychedelic chemical-induced state and then suddenly... suddenly, you stop.

Everything goes on a mighty.... long.... pause. And you take some time to simply step away. Time stands still and nothing moves. (Or so it seems). The earth ceases to rotate, the sun and day fuse together and you hurry along eagerly. And yet, nothing happens. This is called the Lull Period. The saying is true - and after the storm comes the calm. And the calm evades and it spreads. It spreads over you, over those around you. It spreads into your life, everything. Life, doesn't seem the burden it was. In fact, you can barely remember just how life was when things seemed a little too much. For now, you are in the position you can stand tall and look back over your shoulder and give that smirk you've been dying to give.

The storm has blown over. It's time to rebuild the foundations. Stronger and sturdier this time, so that when another deadly gust blows through, the foundation cannot be shattered. And the next time, you will be stronger. I will be stronger. In one single year (less, actually) of moving continents, I've learned so much. About myself, about presenting myself, about being real, about artificiality. I've learned to speak less and listen more. I've learned to listen to what I am about to say before I say it. I still have brash moments, sometimes I can't catch myself before causing irreversible hurts. But I am learning. And I am moving forward. We all are, we all grow. Towards a brighter future. Towards appreciating life and the true meaning of what it is to live.

get out, and stay out

will you get off your moral high horse already? stop trying to get everyone to see things your way.
no point quoting books, or making references. what you read, isn't always what you get. reality is a strange thing, and so is religion. we're all entitled to our own beliefs. you telling me if i don't follow the bible i get condemned? u telling me i have to believe in this because i'm baptized? i don't disagree in believing in something. i don't believe we should compromise our beliefs. but c'mon, u don't want others to impose things on you right? then why stoop so low as to judge?

i'm sick of the insults, of the hurts you've caused. i'm tired of it all. just get out. just stay out.

sad to say, it's really come down to this. but it has. i'm tired tired tired.

just stay . away.

The sweetest things in life are free . (Thank you, baba)

Priceless.

The world is a strange place today. People put value on everything, on friendships, on relationships, and despite so many saying that "money isn't anything", truth be told that wealth does act as a key access to many areas in life. Sad but true. However, cliche as this may sound, there is one thing that money can't buy. Something that is intangible, something that is truly priceless. The everlasting sweet memory of the simplest deed done for you, and only you, at practically no cost at all. Except for another person's time, sweat and effort.

And that, my friends, is worth more than all the millions in the world.

Why my sudden lashing out at materialism? This year marks (or marked, rather) my turning a Quarter of a Century. Ok, so those of you out there above this 25-year mark may think I'm simply blowing this whole aging process a tad out of proportion, but I beg to differ. For me, I've said this too many times before and I'll say it again - I'm a gust of wind. A seasonal breeze that may blow hot or cold, depending entirely on my mood and given situation. Anyway, this year I turn 25, and it's the second year I'm spending it with my sweet V.T. And what a celebration it was. Not only was this my Q.C, but it was also our 1st Year Anniversary. One whole long year together, and it's been a marvellous one year, with so many beautiful memories etched into my memory for this lifetime and next.


We celebrated my birthday on the 5th April (on a Saturday this year, how convenient) by meeting in the evening for a splendid dinner at Keyaki Restaurant at Pan Pacific. Loving my Japanese with a pet weakness for yakitori skewers, I ordered up a storm and was pleasantly surprised when this place actually had the ox tongue I've been so desperately craving.

We finished up in time to head over to the Singapore Flyer to get a bird's eye view of Singapore and despite much criticisms about the Flyer, I must say I enjoyed myself. Thoroughly. Amidst the hustle and bustle of speeding cars and bright lights, we stood, 165m elevated above ground level and time stood still. Everything went on a pause, and nothing seem to be bothering me at that point. She continued to maintain a level of secrecy about this enormous paper bag she was carried and adamantly refused to let me peek in to see the contents hiding within. We went to this quirky teahouse in Chinatown (by chance I might add) called Global Sounds and had some pots of tea while waiting for the clock to strike 12.

Midnight fell upon us, and she asked me to close my eyes which I promptly did. When I opened them, there was a sight that I'll never forget, and my silly eyes welled up with heavy tears of emotion. See below picture as words cannot describe the happiness I felt that night.


This was my night and it was dedicated to me. Thank you baba, for the magical spell you've woven me this one year and for continuing to light up each day with the mere thought of you.